I've had a lot of time since graduating college just to think. Sometimes in my case that can be bad. My counselor and I talked this week about the upcoming changes in my life and touched on part of my past that we hadn't talked about in awhile. Coming to terms with loosing a friendship is never easy to say the least. My counselor made me all too aware that I need to make changes not for others, but for myself otherwise I'll never make it through this depression. She opened up my eyes to a term the Native American's use and it's called "making silence".
Out on the Plains where I'll be living there is nothing for miles around. I need to be comfortable with this idea and learn how to bask in the beauty of such a place. Going from a town of 30,000 to a tiny town of less than 2,000 leaves A LOT of open space. I've been reading many books lately about coping with a lifestyle that will be quite different from the one I was raised in. From what they say, it's all about becoming comfortable with silence. That's not easy for me. Silence to me (besides when I'm praying) is often awkward. So, my counselor suggested that I go on a run to places where I have distinct memories and feel comfortable being silent. Yesterday I ran to a few of them......past the mailbox where an old boyfriend and I were stopped by the cops, past the park where I spent most of my time as a kid, past the church that I've grown up in, past my college, and past multiple friends' houses along the way. I ended my little adventure in the woods where I have the most distinct memories of my childhood. My sister and I used to play with the neighborhood boys for hours on end out there building forts and playing on the rope swing. I climbed my favorite tree, took a deep breath, and took it all in. No. Nothing magical happen but I guess it's one step at a time.
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