I Teach Because

The other day I started reading Teach for America blogs again.  One of them was from a kindergarten teacher who talked about the slump that she was in.  One of her students was frustrated when he couldn't draw his 3 the right way.  In her haste to help the teacher said, "It's not that you can't, you just can't YET." That's how I feel a lot of the time with my kids.  Last week one of my professors gave me some books on classroom management and a curriculum called Tribes.  It's about splitting the class into smaller groups to teach them the value of a hidden curriculum with ideas on different weekly life skills such as cooperation and responsibility.  Each day we will do a community circle with a new activity. To say I'm excited would be an understatement.  I can't wait to get back and redo my entire classroom with more kinder friendly ideas!

I titled this post for a reason so here's my recent list.

I teach because.....

these kids are lovable and capable.
these kids make everything in life seem so much better.
these kids come in barely knowing their alphabet and leave kindergarten knowing how to read.
these kids are the future of their community.

Me and some of my kids ice skating the day that I left :)

One of my kids and my favorite third grade teacher, Miss Claire, sneaking into the picture

 POTHOLDER HEADBANDS!

This is the dog that Claire and I somewhat adopted a for couple of weeks while we waited for a volunteer to take her home for Christmas.  Well, Claire kept her for most of the time and I babysat when she was otherwise occupied :)  We named her Weekend since she originally was supposed to be a weekend dog, but this puppy definitely stole our hearts along the way.

Changes at Home

The last week at home has been.....different.

Parents are going through a rough patch.  My sister is now engaged.  Yes, I'm happy for her.  But, it's not just any guy.  It's the same guy she dated for two years in high school.  It's the same guy who told my sister that I was mad at her because I "wasn't as pretty as her."  A lot happened during their relationship that caused me not to like him six years ago.  Now, he has a five year old of his own from a previous relationship.  My mom has told me that this guy has changed a lot and that I need to be nice of him.  Does she not remember six years ago when she chased him from our house?  Well, I do.  Maybe people can change.  I know that it's Christmas Eve.  While I'm grateful for a ton of stuff in my life, I'm way worried about this new change for our family.

Away from the Ridge

Blah.

I strongly dislike being away from Pine Ridge.  It feels like half of me is missing when I'm back in Indiana.  Truthfully, I miss my kids a ton.  Tomorrow I'm going into my mom's kindergarten classroom in the afternoon and talking to my dad's seventh graders in the morning.  At least I'lll be back around some students for a bit.

Picture Time!

I finally got some pictures of my students at Red Cloud :)  This one is when they each got stuffed animals.

Here they are doing some thank you notes for other donations for Christmas.

 They also each received a stuffed animal for Christmas.  Let me tell you, they have never slept that soundly during rest time :)  Precious loved her unicorn!

Cory is one of my rowdier kids, but he passed out for a solid 20 minutes that afternoon with help from his new duck.

This one is from Halloween right before we went Trick or Treating on our campus.

Potholder Headbands

One of my kids has been suspended until January.  That sums up last week.

In other news, we have only 1.5 days until we the start of Christmas Break.  I fly out on Thursday at 2.  But, that morning I'm going on the elementary fieldtrip to go ice skating with the kids.  Awesome :)  I can't wait to see my kids skating.  It will be awkward and really funny.  This whole week we're doing Christmas activities with little education value and I'm perfectly okay with that.

Lately I've been missing camp. I think it might be because I've been wearing a lot of potholder headbands.  They are slowly taking over the school.... It's time to get in my references and see what God's plans turn out to be for the summer. 

Tomorrow expect a picture of my kids in their potholder headbands.  Yes, all 20 of them are getting one.

Teachable Moments

It's now December.

Woah.

Last week flew by.  We finally had a normal week with no interruptions besides a Highway Patrol presentation on Friday.  Here is a quote that explains a lot about last week:

--This was after I had to tell the kids that I apparently had apes in my classroom instead of kindergarten students...

Student:  "Miss Abby, I know why those kids are being bad."
Me:  "Why?"
Student:  "Because they are sinners.  We are all sinners."
Apparently that's what I get for being in a Catholic school and for this student's dad being a Baptist pastor :)

My kids are hilarious.  This week I did some really random activities that turned into some awesome learning situations.  It started because I found a big bin of stuffed animals in the back room.  We used them to find lines of symmetry.  We also used these to work on our sight words by doing aerobics with the animals as we spelled out each word.  We used them to talk about finding equal shares today and sort them into matching piles.  I had no idea that you could use stuffed animals for so much. 

I love getting turning certain times into quality one on one time with the kids.  Some days we have a rest time during the afternoon.  During this half an hour span, I like to pull kids to help me do little tasks.  I usually pull out kids that are having a rough day.  Other days I pull out the kids that tend to get lost in the middle.  We stuff folders, put papers in binders, or move desks around the room.  It's fun to learn about each child even if we don't talk.  I pulled out one of my kid's, Emileigh, on Friday during rest time.  I had to put a progress reading check up in binders.  I would write the result on the check in list and then Emileigh would put them in the binder.  It was really funny because we got almost all the way through without talking and then all the sudden she let out a huge sigh.  After she sighed, Emileigh just gave me one of those, "why are you making me do this" kind of looks and finished her job.  We didn't talk at all.  I know it sounds weird but I love those kind of moments with my kids.

Coming Home

This term has several new meanings to me.  I came back to Indiana and got to see many people that have impacted my life.  Seeing my camper Grace was amazing.  We only got to see each other for a couple of hours but it seemed as if we were back at camp all over again.  She has grown into such a beautiful young woman that clearly inspires everyone around her with her faith and passion.  Then, I got to meet up with my youth director Kristin.  I still remember when she came into our Trinity community several years ago.  It was awesome to talk with her about life in Valpo, our church community, and my life out in SD.  I've grown up with her and it makes me smile to see Kristin, prospering at church and with her little family of three :)  After lunch, Kristin dropped me off at the school where I student taught, Baily Elementary.  I managed to get there in time to surprise my cooperating teacher and my now third graders.  I stepped out into the cafeteria and immediately heard shouts of, "Miss Garwood,"!  It was so good to hear that again.  Honestly, it's still odd to hear my kindergarten kids call me Miss Abby after all this time.  I got swarmed and they all wanted to update me on their lives.  Geez, my kids had sprouted!  Maybe I'm just used to kindergarten kids, but boy were my third graders huge :)  I was so happy to be back at Baily and it felt like I never left.  After seeing my kids I went to visit my best friend's mom, Mrs. Callaway, who teaches fourth grade at Baily.  On the way to lunch, she told me to go visit her daughter (my best friend Cassie) since she was at home just across the street.  With my European backpack in tow I quickly ran over to her house, rang the doorbell, and hid behind the side of the house.  Then, I heard Cassie laughing and screaming with excitement.  It was so wonderful to see and surprise her after five long months a part.  I even got to see her dad and toddler Leo too.  I'm so glad that I didn't tell any of my Chesterton friends that I was coming back.  Surprising them was so much better!

Today I got to see my other best friend, April.  We've been best friends since our freshman year of college and don't plan on that stopping anytime soon.  We met up at our favorite diner and swapped stories of being in a kindergarten classroom.  I love being around April because I can really be me.  She makes me laugh and inspires me to be the best person I can be.  I'm so grateful that even though we're done with college that our friendship hasn't stopped.

On another note though this trip home has been a lot more challenging than I ever dreamed.  My parents told me that they thought teaching on the Rez wasn't a permanent idea for me.  They thought I would come back after two or three years and work in a public Indiana school.  It's hard to stomach.  I love teaching on the Rez and even though it is difficult at times I wouldn't change it for the world.  They also said that I've changed into a different person.  Yes, maybe I have.  It's like my mom said, she's not used to a young person having this perspective of the world.  Being on the Rez has taught me about what really matters in life.  It makes  me frustrated when people out here spend so much money on things that don't really matter-how expensive their TV is, getting a newer car, or buying tickets on luxurious events that my kids could only dream of.  Many of the people in Valpo don't know how lucky they are.  Many of them have worked hard to get where they are at, it's true.  Living out at Red Cloud has made me more aware of what it means to live simply and intentionally.  I don't want to be back in Indiana for an extended period of time besides the summer.  It is hard to say this, but my home isn't Valpo anymore.  Pine Ridge is now my home.  I'm glad I got a chance to come back, but I'm excited to get back to Red Cloud.  Time for progress reports, practicing Christmas songs, the Christmas party, crafts, and playing with my kids in the snow...

God I Love This Place

That's exactly how I feel about Pine Ridge and the school I work at.  I absolutely love this place.  Sometimes teachers get bogged down in the messiness of teaching itself-the curriculum, constant assessments, and the discipline.  This school has such a sense of community.  There are numerous cousins in each grade.  All of the kids run around during school sports games.  It's great.  I can see several of my bus kids all at one event and their parents. 

Today was one of the best days in a long time.  I honestly just goofed off with my kids.  For once I just let my teaching go for a bit and had fun with them.  We sang camp songs on the way to morning mass.  Yes, camp songs.  We experimented with our geometric shapes and traced the flat surfaces.  While it may have been chaotic they loved every minute of it.  It was such a hands on activity that they almost didn't know what to do with it.  We made a prewrite, first draft, final draft, and a title page for a book about leaves.  They turned out awesome!  The kids were exhausted after their day of writing so we had two half an hour recesses.  That never happens.  We played "around the world" with our sight words.  We practiced our Christmas songs and watched a movie about Thanksgiving.  I stopped worrying about what it meant to be a "good" teacher for a bit and let it all just flow.  I let my creative camp counselor persona come back.  It was glorious.  We sang more songs on the way to the buses.  The kids were giggling up a storm so we had to stop the line for a bit because they couldn't walk.  They were busting their seams with laughter. God I love this place, my job, and my amazing kids.

I love teaching and seeing the kids grow up.  Thinking back three months ago, I wouldn't believe that I could be at this place in my job right now.  Tomorrow morning, I'm leaving on a Greyhound bus for Chicago to go back home for Thanksgiving.  Truthfully I didn't expect to feel this way about leaving Red Cloud for a bit.  At the end of the day I dropped my kids off on their buses.  When I got to the end of the bus line, I had a moment of panic.  I wouldn't see my little ones for six whole days.  I immediately got back on each bus and asked for hugs from them.  On one bus we have seven kindergarten kids.  I got on and said, "I won't see you for a whole week."  They swarmed me with hugs and a bunch of "We already miss you"'s. This is it.  I'm turning into a real teacher.  I don't know if I could ever work at a school anywhere else.

 Red Cloud has become my home.  These kids have become my own kids, all 20 of them.  Amidst their laughter, tears, and questions these wonderful little ones have taught me what it means to truly care about a community and its' future.  I want to see these kids graduate and go onto college.    They deserve the best.  So many of them come from unstable homes.  But, my students are applying what they are learning in school.  You can see their will to make the best of a situation.  They will become amazing leaders of this community. 

In less than 36 hours I'll be in Indiana.  I'll be visiting with my favorite camper, Grace, and catching up on life.  It's hard to believe that she's already 16.  I still remember the days of sitting by the lake with her, eating pudding without utensils, sharing our hearts, pranking Wea, and knowing that we were put in each other's life for a reason.  She makes me feel at home no matter where we are.  Camp Tecumseh friendships are unique.  They never seem to fade.  It's hard to believe that we started our friendship journey when she was 12 and I was 19.  Boy does time fly.......

PE teacher versus Kindergarten Students

At 12:30 pm I walked into the concession area of the gym and stopped to tie my shoe.  All the sudden I heard a loud, "Kindergarten!" accompanied by a bunch of screaming children.  My aide Mando and I turned to each other.  We both had the same feeling-something bad was going on in the gym.  We slowly entered the room and saw a bunch of our kindergarten students running around with foam balls and something that looked like giant Q-tips.  It was as if we entered a war zone.  The kids were running around not listening to anything that the PE teacher said to them.  Mando and I quickly called out certain kids' names in our sternest voices.  Our class was going crazy!  It really reminded me of that scene in Mean Girls where all the sudden the girls broke out into a fight as if they were jungle animals.  My mouth fell open.  I was amazed at how our class acted.  I've seen them have rough days, but boy did this top everything from before.  We quickly had the kids in a line and took them back to the classroom.

When we got back, I explained to the whole class that their behavior wouldn't be tolerated.  For our discipline system I have a giant cardboard stoplight that we use.  Each child has a clothespin with their name on it.  When the child gets a warning, they move their pin to the yellow and when they get a second warning it goes in the red.  Red means that they miss recess for the day (which in kindergarten is a HUGE deal).  Anyways, I had to tell five kids to move their pins up one color because of their behavior in PE.  This meant that they landed smack dab in the red.  We talked about how the kids should treat adults and modeled how that should happen.  When I told them that I was disappointed in them that sure did the trick.  Their faces fell.  Hopefully they learned a big lesson today.  We'll see if they actually take it in.

BONUS STORY:

Admist all the chaos today we practiced our songs for the Christmas program.  It's only 12 school days away....God help us.  We're singing Jingle Bell Rock and All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth.  The three of us (Mikey, Mando, and myself) made up hand motions as we went along.  Best part of my day by far.  I love teaching kindergarten because we teach so much of our material "repeat after me" style.  The kids loved Mikey's hand motions/dance moves so much that one of them could not even do the motions.  She was laughing way too hard :)

No matter how awful part of the day might be, you can't help but love kindergartens when they sing Christmas songs.  Gosh darn those kids for being so cute!

Sweat Lodge

Tonight I participated in what people of the Lakota tribe call a "sweat".  Someone usually "calls" a sweat and it could be for various reasons.  The last one was for a volunteer's birthday.  This one tonight was called by a woman whose nickname is Worm.  She had a dream about something and wanted the medicine man ( heyoka) to explain it.  In the sweat there are four rounds.  The heyoka pours water onto the fire in the middle of the lodge.  Each round consists of something different, but some consist of praying and singing in Lakota.

All the sweats that I have been to so far this year were packed, so it was nice to actually have some breathing room in this one.  Our sweat lodge at the school can fit about 30 people in there.  Being in a sweat is difficult to explain.  When the heyoka pours the water onto the hot rocks a bunch of steam comes off of them. The steam hits you like a down of bricks.  You start to sweat in places that you didn't know you could.

Here's the best thing about sweats--the constant prayer and feeling of restlessness put at ease by the time it's over.  I'm still attempting to understand certain friendships in my life/lack there off.  I prayed a lot about it during sweat and about finding peace here in SoDak.   Bottom line I know that I'm here in Pine Ridge for a reason- it's about the kids.  While forming friendships is good, it's more so about making a difference in these kids' lives.   It's not about me figuring out my life.  My life is peachy keen compared to what some of my students are going through right now.  That's what keeps me in check.  It's that knowledge that this place has turned into a camplike state for me.  It's all about LOVIN' THOSE KIDS.  See, this is why I'm grateful for sweats.  They make everything so simple.

Timing

We have today off and training for these two computer programs on Monday. 

As a Garwood, I'm bad about having time off.  I don't quite know how to deal with what they call "kick it" time here.  Truthfully I would much rather be working in my classroom.  But, one of my friends here said that I seriously need to stop working so much.  The least three weeks I've been going into school at 6:30 and leaving about 7 each night.  Maybe I'm becoming a workaholic....well, that's just part of being a part of my family.

Lately, I've been missing home a ton.... We'll see where this weekend takes me.

The Kindergarten Classroom as we Know it

Once again it's been a couple of weeks since I've been on here.  A lot of it has been because I've been in my classroom.  On Saturday I think I spent about 8 full hours working, trying to get ahead of the game.  When we're in our Education college classes, we can only dream about how much work teaching is.  Just as you think you've caught up, then you're thrown into a whole new set of chaos.  Let me explain. 

Monday we had a GeoDome presentation for 30 minutes, tomorrow we have a Badlands National Park ranger coming to talk to our class for an hour, on Wednesday five of my kids are going to a Speech Contest, Thursday apparently is our normal day, and Friday we don't have school.  Today during our elementary staff meeting we talked about canceling what we call our DEW Day (it stands for Drop Everything and Write day) so that we can actually teach.  This entire month is eaten up by all of the extra crap.  Well, I'm pumped about the ranger coming in, but other than that it's really throwing a raucous into our schedules.  Our kids don't know what a "normal" school day is anymore.  In between all of this, I'm trying to assess where my students are learning.  Wait, do we have time for our actual curriculum?  Nope.  Not to mention that our Xmas program is 23 days away..not that the veteran teachers are counting or anything.

On a more positive note, I have a pretty funny story.  Today my kids came back from PE all rilled up.  My aide, Mando, had told me that she could hear the PE teacher, Kevin, yelling at the kids all the way by our front building.  After Mando had a stern talk with the class about it, one of my kids, Precious, said, "Miss Abby," very loudly.  I turned and saw that she couldn't get her sweater over her head.  She said, "Can you help me?  I'm stuck,".  I pulled her sweater back over her head and realized that her hair was seriously caught in the zipper.  It caught me so off guard that I erupted in laughter and so did the whole class.  Basically after some exploration I had to cut of a small chunk of her hair to get the sweater off.  Thank goodness she laughed it off with the kids.  Having moments like this make me realize how grateful I am to be a kindergarten teacher.  Life wouldn't be nearly as fun without my 20 crazy kids.

First Sick Day

Last night I ended up getting sick right after school got out. I may have the stomach flu :(  I called one of my aides right away to let him know that I wouldn't be there this morning and to look for detailed plans for both of the aides on their desks.  Even though I was sick, I went in that night to get all of my plans ready and it took about an hour. 

I've been having problems with one of my aides so I made sure that the plans were very detailed so that way everything was scheduled to a T.  Then, I got a call this morning about 10 from one of the aides telling me that the kids were being difficult and were not going to earn an afternoon recess.  He wanted to know if he could show them a movie instead.  I explained that a movie to these kids is a reward.  If we give them a movie, they continue their bad behavior.  Instead of the movie I told him to have them redo their homework from last Friday which was sitting out already copied for them anyways. Apparently my aides were changing other parts of my plans too....I guess there are no real sick days here.  I'm going into school anyways.  SHOOOOOTTTT.

A Blur of Words

I Like...

It's been 11 days since my last post.  Even though today sucked, I'm going to focus on the positive for right now, at least so I can get through the day tomorrow.

I like............

-coming back to my house at 9:00 pm and my housemate just finished making scones
-when my students ask me to braid their hair during nap time
-when little art projects turn into huge class projects (aka turning the posts in my room into massive trees)
-when I have time to make plans for NEXT week  by Wednesday of this week
-when Smokey the Bear comes to visit my class
-when my room is suddenly transformed into a Halloween fiesta
-when my kids give me hugs instead of listening right before Specials
-when I can talk to my friend Claire until 1 in the morning on a school night
-when my kids take the time to make me a picture after doing homework
-knowing that I have a field trip, a 2 hour late start, and a 12:30 dismissal all in one week
-knowing that I'm here for the kids no matter what
-feeling like I have 20 children of my own and that I would do anything to see them succeed
-knowing that God's given the strength to get  through this mess of a school year

Assessments to Giggles

Originally I had planned for this post to be about camp and school.  But this weekend took a different turn.

This weekend was homecoming at VU.  All of my sorority sisters posted Facebook statuses like "Going to Valpo for the fest," and "Keg and Eggs".  I didn't really expect this to hit me hard.  I mean, my Dad went to VU in the seventies, now lives in the same town and has maybe made it to homecoming five times in the last thirty years.  No big deal, right?  Well, I got a phone call from my friend Kelley (also my Grandlittle in the sorority) about some sorority family updates.  She told me about the sisterly plans and it made my heart sink.  Boy, do I miss college.  I miss homecoming, having old alumnae come to our chapter room, and the usual lecture about showing up sober to this event.  I miss the stupid VU football game that they never win.  I miss going out to eat with my real family after church on this particular Sunday.  Above all, I wish that I could have spent this weekend with my Delta family.

On Friday, a bunch of the volunteers went to see a movie called "Moneyball".  It was about the Oakland A's and their story of triumph.  Usually I'm not a fan of sports movies.  This one was awesome though.  At the end, the main character's daughter wrote him a song.  Part of the lyrics are about her being caught in the middle and growing up.  She says, "Just enjoy the show". I absolutely love that.  Sometimes we get caught up so much in our issues/life that we don't stop to enjoy it.  This past week at school I've been working hard to get my kids where they need to be at for the end of the quarter coming up.  On Thursday, I had my first parent meeting.  Then Friday, one of my kids had the best day he's ever had the last six weeks.  Sometimes I get so caught up in teaching and forget that my kids are only six years old.  They still need their moms.  They still need hugs when they get stung by a bee or to wiggle in their sits.  I kind of had a break through when one of the girls asked me to fix her hair.  I plopped her on my lap, which caused the kids nearest me to get a fit of giggles, and to braid her hair.  It was one of those "Ah Ha" moments that so many teachers talk about.  The last two weeks I've been caught up in a mess of standards, assessments, and classroom discipline.  I forgot to let my kids BE six years old.  They need to laugh.  They need to giggle.  They also need those belly laughs that God gives.

That's my goal this week.

Just enjoy the show

Sly Foxes

“I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don't want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.” 
― Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life

 

Today the volunteers had to go to a lecture about living in community by a visiting priest.  At first I wasn't feeling it.  I was tired, cranky, and very emotional from a rough week of teaching.  He talked about accepting your selfishness, using God's gifts that He can you, and the truly listening to one another.  He also brought up the idea of expectations in relationships versus demands.  All of these things have come up in my life recently.  It was weirdly accurate.  There goes God again.

 

From time to time, I remind myself of Niequist's quote and how we can it apply it to our daily lives.  It's about not taking yourself too seriously and remembering you too deserve to act like a kid every once in awhile.  That's why on Wednesday I taught my students how to act like foxes and slyly walk from our building to the other elementary building.  Every so often I would turn around and they would stop in their tracks with a scared look on their faces.  Must have been because I told them if I caught them that the enemy critter would eat them....... 

Too Much

Things I've Learned the Past Week and Some Things That I Already Knew But Resurfaced:

1.  If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all.
2.  Sometimes kindergarteners seriously need a nap and then everything will be a ton better.
3.  No matter how rough today was, tomorrow is always a new day.
4.  Trusting in God's plan may be difficult. 
5.  Knowing that I need to trust in His plan makes each struggle worth the battle.
6.  Six year olds have more germs than eight year olds. Doing "air fives" instead of high fives will save a teacher from numerous colds and sore throats.
7.  Having a strong support system here and back home may be the only reason I survive my first year teaching.

Today was ultimately the hardest day I've ever had as a teacher. I can't get into details. I can tell you though that I reached my breaking point.  Yes, I'm here to teach.  Yes, I know why God put me at this school on this reservation.  No, I wasn't prepared for the incident that happened today.  Today really made me wonder why God specifically put me in this kindergarten position though.  I wasn't ready for kindergarten.  It takes a special gift to work with the kids at this age level.  My mom has it as does my friend Holly.  Alas, I've always known God did not give that gift to me.  I came to Red Cloud knowing that, but I wanted to be out here on the Rez badly enough that I just thought of it as a learning experience.  My heart yearns for the second graders again. 

I want kids in my classroom that can read, tie their shoes, and remember to raise their hand to talk.  I want kids that do not have "accidents".  That hasn't proven to be a part of God's plan though.  He has me with the germiest, youngest, most undisciplined, and squirreliest ones of the entire elementary school. Maybe this just goes to show that God has a deeper understanding of what we need....gosh,  He's done it again.

Come Back Martin Luther

Today I went to another mass, but at a new place for me.  Honestly, I'm tired of trying to understand being Catholic.  Since I'm working at school that teaches Catholic/Lakota values, alot of our volunteer community is Catholic.  Little did I know how much this would affect me.

I want to worship with other Christians.  Going to mass each week with members of my community let's me do so.  But to me, this isn't my path.  Everything about the Catholic service still seems so foreign to me.  Yes, the Lutheran denomination is the closest to Catholicism that you can get.  Yet my synod, ELCA, is the furthest away from what most Catholics believe.

I miss being able to take communion.  I miss having lots of little kids at church.  I miss our choir.  I miss actually having a youth ministry.  I miss everything about my church at home.  Most of all I miss my church family-the people that I feel comfortable serving the Lord with.  While being out here on the Rez, most Sundays feel as if I'm just "playing church".  My faith has not grown while out here.  I haven't found people to hold me accountable about my faith journey like I do at home and at camp.  Apparently, most Catholics don't like to "free pray" like us camp counselors.  It's all the traditional kind of prayer that makes it hard for me to see God at work.

Even though this struggle continues, my teaching has gotten better and so have many relationships with friends out here.  We all challenge each other with rants about the way our school system works or what really proved to be most important to our school community.  I've grown very close to one of the guy volunteers and care about him alot.  It's a very different type of relationship than I've ever been in and people in our community never saw it coming.  I learn new things about him everyday and appreciate him challenging me to be a better person. We're very different but for some reason we mesh.

 He loves football.  I don't understand it.  I do understand his passion for coaching though and that's all that matters.  He hates lying down in grass.  I love being outdoors.  He's Catholic.  I'm Lutheran.  It's something we're still working on together.  He gives me compliments.  I don't know how to react to them.  This is one time in my life that I'm willing to take this experience slow.  So many of my past relationships went way too fast and have paid the consequences. I've learned so much about my journey with Christ and the person that He wanted me to be this past year.  Maybe just maybe, we've both finally gotten the timing right :)

Meet Squeakers

Yesterday I noticed the worst thing ever....my voice started to get deeper.
In the life of a camp counselor/teacher that can only mean one thing-----utter chaos.  My voice went completely out today.  Even when I tried to talk normally to my students either a squeak or a whisper came out.  They kept asking, "Miss Abby, where did your voice go?"  I said if I knew, then I would go get it. 

I wrote out these huge plans for my two aides at 6:30 this morning, but decided to stay in the classroom the whole day just in case something went wrong.  My aides did really well with the whole group reading instruction and discipline.  Thank God for people who are willing to step up.  In the morning we had kindergarten through eighth grade mass at the chapel here.  My little ones sat between the eighth graders.  I hadn't warned them and it showed.  A few of the youngest kids were terrified but eventually warmed up to the big kids next to them.  It easily made my day.  During the afternoon one of my kids took a number 2 in his pants.  Apparently, his family had a case of diarrhea throughout the week.  My aide, Mikey, had to deal with the bulk of it by helping the kid clean himself off.  Got to love the life of a kindergarten teacher. 

My voice is still crapped out as of right now.  Off to write more lesson plans for my aides tomorrow.  The adventures of teaching continue....

Kindergarten-Boogers, Untied Shoes and Being a Mom

It's been way too long since I last posted. 

I'm officially a kindergarten teacher.
I'm officially a certified bus driver.
Apparently God finds some humour in these things and the way my life has turned out.

Life on the Rez got really serious the last three weeks.  I'm done with two solid weeks of teaching my twenty students.  Honestly it feels like I've been "playing school" as my mom's put it.  But, now it's time to teach my little ones how to read.  Crazy.  I always hated relearning phonics in college and now I have to teach it.  Not one of my favorite scenarios.

Since I'm teaching in a private school, my kids are all on a 30 day trial.  The first week I had to tell one of my students that he couldn't come next week.  His behavior was out of control even though his academics were sound.  Talk about a rough first Friday of the school year.  Although he gave me and the aides a lot of trouble, I couldn't help but like him.  I cried when I put him on the bus.  The next Monday I had a new student to replace him.

Every day I'm learning about the kind of kindergarten teacher I want to be.  These kids have absolutely no manners.  They poke, pinch, and give each other rattlesnake burns.  They can't tie their shoes.  They ask to go to the bathroom every five minutes.  I know that I'm not going to teach this grade forever.  But, I can't help but love being a mom to them--holding their hand on the way to Religion/Lakota class or to PE, opening their milk for them at lunch, tying their shoes, stuffing their folders, or making sure that they have an extra set of clothes just in case they have an "accident".  For some reason right now, I know that God put me in the "magical kingdom" of a classroom.  Although I may not be able to see through the intense reading curriculum, I know my kids will come so far by May. 

What He has given me in challenges at school, He made up for it in my friends here.  They are very supportive and that's all I can ask for. When Claire and I finally make it out of our classrooms, we bake cookies while talking in weird accents.  Anna tries to dance on me while we cook.  Kevin and I end up wrestling when we get too frustrated with school work.  Liz makes up random lies that we can only tell she's lying when she bursts out into contagious laughter.  Tim and Maria always have a meal going when I come in at six each day from school.  Shannon talks about her days in med school and stories of the ER. Plus there are too many stories to count.  Some how we make up a huge family that just seems to work in our volunteer program.  These people challenge me to be the real Abby, not the one my college friends knew.  Thank God for these people and kids in my life.  Every day makes me glad I'm here.

Sometimes I still wonder what teaching in Indiana would have been like.  Every time I think that though, I know how grateful I am for this experience.  Hopefully I'm being the woman of God that I'm meant to be.  Even if it involves little five year olds....
God Works.

First Encounter

Our last week was filled with laughter, jokes, a failed CDL bus test (for some) and more volunteer love than I could have ever dreamed.  We all mesh so well that I know God has some A-MAZ-ING plans for Red Cloud and Our Lady of Lourdes this school year.  I thought you all would love to have a description of my new friends here in SoDak so here we go:

 imagine a three girl part harmony going on in the background hehe :)

Claire-3rd grade teacher at RC, from St. Louis but went to school in Kansas, says the most hilarious things you never know what comment will come out of her mouth, isn't afraid to be herself and that's what I love about her the most

Anna- substitute at the high school, is very talented musically and has one of the kindest hearts I know, she also hates soup

Mickey-my kindergarten aide at RC, went to school at Santa Clara and from Northern California, loves soccer and will help coach one of the soccer teams here, does funny voice overs and has a fun personality

Liz-college advisor and alumni relations at the high school, big personality, pretty much grew up on the Rez because her parents met here, has so much to offer to this community and loves to experience everything

Kevin- K through 8 PE/health teacher, was a Jesuit novice for a year and a kindergarten aide for half that time at RC, former camp counselor, very chill personality and has some serious dance skills

Andrew-high school English teacher, born in Omaha Nebraska, loves sports, very fun to banter with back and forth

Those were the few of us newer (minus Liz since this is her second year) newbies in the Red Cloud community.  We went with our sister school companions (what we refer to as OLL) out to a pub in Gordon, NE which is about forty five minutes south of here. The volunteers also call it a border town.  It was a small town pub that have cowboys at the bar itself.  Yes, good old cowboy hat and boot wearin' men.  I made the mistake of asking the bartender about his huge Western belt buckle.  He went on about it and wouldn't leave our group alone.  He then started talking about how crazy it gets in Gordon at the first and fifteen of the month since that's when the Lakota community get their paychecks/food stamps.  That's when I knew this would become a part of my life-discussions with arrogant people like him who don't know the Rez culture.  Although alcoholism is a huge problem in this area, that doesn't mean people should generalize like that.  It's something I'll have to get used to and learn to hold my tongue better.

Tomorrow, a bunch of us get another stab at the CDL (bus driving) written test up in Rapid City.  I feel a lot more confident then last time and managed to get some solid sleep too, thank goodness.  We'll see how it goes.  Prayers would be greatly appreciated :)

On the Rez at long Last

A couple days ago my parents and I made the seventeen hour voyage to my new home, the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation.  I met four of the other volunteers (Claire, Liz, Anna, Greg) and settled into my new home.  This morning I got to see my classroom.  It is flipping HUGE!  It's seriously the old gym, has a massive supply closet that's three times as big as my room in Valpo, and has it's own library.  Talk about epic!  When I went in, I couldn't believe that it's my class.  Twenty little Lakota Sioux children will walk in that door in less than a month.  I'm a bit overwhelmed at the large supply amount which the old kindergarten teacher left behind.  My rents and I managed to move all of the furniture around to make the phonics, math, play, and social science "centers".  I couldn't even begin to think about all of the actual decorating until they repaint part of my room anyway.

After dinner, I had to say goodbye to my mom and dad.  It was harder for my mom then I expected. I was really proud of her for not crying, but I could tell in the hug that she gave me.  We are very close and since I'm the youngest that makes it worse for her in a way.  From what they said, both are extremely glad that we drove out together.  My mom and dad definitely understand the Rez life a whole lot better.  They feel safer leaving me out in this area and know what more to expect.

I absolutely love SoDak so far.  The weather changes are intense but so fun to watch.  Yesterday it was sunny and then all the sudden golf ball sized hail fell from the heavens.  Last year when I went to Nebraska, I had a funny feeling that it was where I belonged.  Look at me know, right on the SoDak/NE border.  My life has changed so much since last summer. Well, even from the Fall.  I'm a better and stronger me then I've ever been.  After alot of praying, I've decided to use the counseling services at the school.  I don't want to get back into my old habits and in a place like this it could happen all too quickly.

The Trust Bead

My last week at camp was filled with humitity, laughter, triumps, tears, and hugs.  Yesterday was the best day at camp I've ever had. Our team won Color Wars.  CW is a week long battle between five teams with competition and laughter.  Since our team won, Mike Lang (the assistant Lake Village director) asked for one of the counselors from our team to come up and to sign the unifying shield.  We elected the Pathfinder cord, Ben, to go up.  As Ben starting walking, Mike said that I should come up and sign it.  He told the whole village it was my last week and that I would be missed.  I was in shock.  Never ever have I felt so valued at camp as a counselor.  It finally clicked that I did what I came to do this summer:  I've made a difference on the kids and the village as a whole. :)

I gave my heart to God this summer.  He has taught me so much and proved that He indeed has a sense of humour.  My time at Camp Tecumseh isn't over.  Somehow I know God will bring me back there next summer in some shape or form.  In Summer 2009, I chose to work on trusting God to do His will.  My life was turned upside down and although there was pain, He has shown me just how much He will give in return.  It's a beautiful thing.  God has placed so many new friends in my life.  Nothing has ever felt this right.  I'm not nervous about moving out to SoDak anymore.  I know that I'm on God's path and in Him, I'm enough.

Apple Carmel Pops at the Bottom of the Trunk

Week 5- Best Cabin of My Life

Last week was the best I've ever had at Camp Tecumseh.  Our cabin full of ten Warrior girls clicked so well that I couldn't convince them to blend with other cabins during lunch or trading post time.  Both my partner Mariah and I had so much fun.  Let's just say on Sunday, I laughed more than I did all of our Pathfinder week.  We all knew it would be a magical week after that.  All of our girls were awkward, silly, and clumsy.  This combination made us all closer and bare so much of our hearts that week.

Here are some of my favorite memories in list form, again:

1.  Someone spilled their juice, water, or milk during every single meal that week. 
2.  Doing a Trust Hike after being rained out from another activity and getting to see a huge beaver in the process.
3.  Bonding so well with the pair of twins that they came back to visit us three different times on Checkout Day.  They couldn't handle the thought of leaving us behind.
4.  Getting princess kiddie celebration tablecloth, paper plates, and paper cups for lunch because we love our kids so much.
5.  Seeing my friend Rob jam out on his guitar during chapel.
6.  Having Olivia, one of the twins, always come up to me to hold hand while we walked from place to place.
7.  Seeing these ten girls bond more than I've ever seen in my three years as a counselor.  I guarantee they will ALL be counselors when they become old enough.
8.  Being ambushed by a whole family of raccoons while on the Mohave porch.
9.  Mariah drooling when she got excited during mail time/meals.
10.  My kids thinking I went out on the porch at night to talk to myself.
11.  My old partner Slick came to visit during Campfire and laughing/cringing during Alligator

One last week....

Rock the Boat

Week 4-Pathfinder Week

15 out of the 20 Lake Village cabins became Pathfinders this past week.  This meant that my cabin housed ten 14 year olds.  I had five out of the ten at some point in the last two years.  They each were great individually, but when you put them all together it turned into a week long catfight.  Even though I know that I'm in the Warrior unit (12-13 year olds) for a reason at camp, this was the time to experience something new and be out of my element.  I'm thankful that I could finally do activities with my close friends in the Pfinder unit.  Although it was a stressful and demanding week, I grew stronger as a person and counselor.  Only two more weeks at my favorite place on earth but I plan on soaking up as much Camp T. as possible!
Highlights from the week:

1.  Playing the epic game of Empire and getting third place
2.  Finally getting to eat a hobo dinner
4.  Getting a care package from one of my Week 2 campers
3. Making a connection with a old camper about her fight with depression
4.  Doing a combined devotion with Paiute cabin and my friend Cassy
5.  Getting all of my parent letters done before Friday night
6.  Wearing the pink Pfinder shirt
7.  Playing with a bulldog on Saturday morning
8.  Having a failed sleepout at the Suspension Bridge
9.  Getting to bring Josh, Cassy and Ray Ray home with me this weekend
10.  Spending four hours at the beach yesterday

This is the second to last time that I'll be at home for a long time.  As we drove through Valpo, I realized how much this place meant to me.  Maybe I can bring a little bit of home and camp out with me to the Rez :)  Only 2.5 more weeks until I'm out in SoDak!

Shoot, watch out where that pig is aiming

Week 3 Roses

-Seeing eleven campers from my Summer 2009 Wyandot cabin
-Having three of those in my clinics and getting daily hugs from them
-One child told me that he remembers me from a cookout last year.  Apparently I got mad because the boys wouldn't help and i said that Zach was just bitter because he hadn't gone through puberty yet.  I distinctly remember it and still find it funny
-Having a hour long tearful talk with one of two of my best camp friends, Cassy and Marie
-Making decoupaged notes for the new counselors to help them get through the week
-Doing a devotion on "beauty" at the Firefly Hill by the Lake and it has to be my favorite by far
-Tom Elliot saying I'm doing a great job and giving me the extra encouragement I needed to get through the week
-Catching a firefly with one hand during Closing Campfire
-One of my old camp friends, Kassi Huey surprise me while I'm pulling kids down from the RV Zip Line
-Wrestling with my Day Camp staff, Jillian, as our girls try to steal Zebra Cakes from their snack boxes
-Planning to make triangle friendship bracelets with the other two Tri Delts in Lake Village
-Seeing my partner grow so much from Week 1
-An epic heat lightning storm on Thursday night at Purdue's pedestrian crossing

Let's end on a camper quote:

"Do you use hair dye to cover your gray hairs?" -Sara, Week 3 Mohave Cabin

Soul Stirring

We've been through two weeks worth of campers.  Week 1 kids were fantastic.  No big problems besides one sassy girl, but I grew to love her since she stayed for two weeks.  Week 2 kids on the other hand were not fun.  They asked too many questions and were awkward to the point of exhaustion.  Here are some highlights from the last two weeks. Get ready for some randomocity.

I've seen numerous kids bite the dust during Mud Hikes and almost get attacked by a raccoon.  I have two fantastic partners that make me laugh ALL the time, even when it isn't appropriate. On my last night off I got to share the world's best firefly show with several new counselors. I slept on the Suspension Bridge even though that's been one of my worst fears since I was eight.  Conquered a Float Trip through the pouring rains and almost lightening strikes in metal canoes with twenty campers in tow.  I witnessed some amazing young woman change from quiet girls into beautiful lionesses.  Took my cabin of five to a very special Pop Stop on the Suspension Bridge where we saw a fish catch a dragonfly.  Even though I am terribly exhausted, I must say that I feel so content. 

This summer so far has blown past like a tornado. I don't think that I have ever laughed so frequently in my life.  They aren't five second laughs either.  All of them have been those gut wrenching soul loving kind of laughs. It's amazing what a few weeks at Camp T. can do to your heart :)

This isn't Camp TeFunseh

BOOM ROASTED
SHOOT DANG
OOPS. HIGH FIVE.

The last seven days were dedicated to staff training at camp.  Let me just say that about 60 percent of the counselors at CT this summer have never been a resident counselor.  That being said, this officially will be the best summer ever!  There is just something magical about our staff this year.  After numerous lectures, safety drills and countless games, our 100 odd some res staff bonded.  Thursday night I sat in a daze when all, and I mean ALL, of them stood on their chairs at the end of dinner singing theme songs from our childhood like Doug, Power Rangers, Green Day, and Backstreet Boys. Normally during a scene like this our boss would tell us to sit down.  But I turned around and DW himself was smiling and singing along to the songs.  Life doesn't get better than that. 

I made some truly amazing friends during training this year.  I made sure to sit with the new staff during most of the week long training to put myself out there.  Although this is my third summer on staff, I have never felt more welcome into such a large group of people.  Tomorrow means campers.  Tomorrow means a new beginning.  Tomorrow means the start of the best summer that Camp Tecumseh has ever seen!

If you're going to make me cry, at least be there to wipe away the tears.

An earsplitting cry broke me out of a deep slumber at seven this morning.  Between that and the heavy pitter patter going up the steps I became quite confused.  Turns out it was my sister's way of waking me up.  I quickly dashed upstairs to see what was wrong.  She handed me a piece of paper and broke out in loud sobs.  It was a note from her boyfriend of 6 months. He had left in in her car the day before. In it he said that he was a different person than when they first started dating and because of that he could no longer see her anymore.  No real explanation. No face to face contact to break it off.  My heart plummeted downward into a spiral.  This situation seemed so familiar.  As my sister sat crying she asked me why this happened and why he wasn't willing to give her the closure that she so desperately needs.  I was speechless. How do you tell someone that the person they love doesn't want to see them anymore?  How can I give her any advice when my heart has finally made peace with my own situation?  When I saw her sitting on the coach like that, it reminded me so much of myself several months ago.  Even if I tell her that the hurt will eventually go away, that won't help her right now.  I want to help her so badly but I don't know how :(

Lists, Lists, Lists

Lists are my thing. So here's what I did today.

1.  Visited with my second grade class from last semester.  They were so surprised to see me because I hadn't been back in a couple of weeks.  I got to read to them, listen to their funny conversations, play outside with them, and walk them to class.  But the best part happened in a subtle gesture.  My cooperating teacher decided to make girl/boy lines and make it a quiet contest on the way to music.  One of my favorite kids, Emma, said "Miss Garwood, you're in the boy line" and quietly laughed at me.  She then took my hand and pulled me into the right line.  We held hands the entire way to music and she squeezed my hand the whole time.  I love my class :)

2.  Shadowed a bus driver.  Since I have to drive a bus on on the Rez in SoDak, my mom hooked me up with a bus driver from her school.  It was fun to watch and interact with the kids. This school district is special.  They are a huge farm community and at each stop seriously four kids from the family get off.  It's great to see that kind of a community. Maybe one day when I come back to Indiana and my mom retires then I'll take her place as the newest kindergarten teacher :)

3.  Stole a bunch of stuff from my mom's closet at school.  I'm now the proud owner of numerous name plates, pocket charts, birthday/color/month charts, student of the week activities and even a huge 3 layer container of craft items.  The teacher torch has officially been passed down, finally.

4.  Had dinner at Dynasty with my high school best friend, Cassie.  It's our favorite place to eat together and always will be.  We caught up on each other's lives and made inappropriate dinner convo.  I just like seeing the people's reactions around us hehe.  I love how we may not see each other in awhile but it's like we're still seniors in high school just chilling at the beach.  Since she didn't bring her toddler with her, we even managed to fit in some speeding along the way :)

5.  Started packing for camp!  I decoupaged my drawers and am super duper excited about it!  Expect more pictures soon. Also that I seriously have ten different lists going for different things I need to get or accomplish before Saturday.  Let the rush begin!

Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.

Graduation presents (laptop and cell phone)--check

Paperwork for Red Cloud school and Camp T--check

Packed for June 4th--check


I want to be in the place where friendships are formed from mud hikes, devotions, and tornado sirens. 

I want to be in my kindergarten classroom so that I can make awesome bullentin boards and welcome my students to an amazing atmosphere.

I want to be in a place that takes me out of my comfort zone and that will help me become a better person.

Now, just waiting for the rest of my life to start.  I wish it would get here quickly!

Falling from Grace

The last couple of years I've kept in contact with a few of my favorite campers.  One of my fav's, Grace, started out with me two summers ago as an awkward, tall, bushy haired girl and has now turned into a beautiful young woman.  This whole time we've kept in contact sending back letters/friendship bracelets.  We've been there for each other for the heartaches, battles, and it has turned into a genuine friendship that I never expected.  Today I had to break it to her that I have to be out in South Dakota the week that she returns for her last experience with Camp T.

She didn't take it lightly and my heart broke a little as I told her.  Miss Grace is like the little sister that I never had.  I looked forward to her brightly colored letters at home and her persistent emails over the summer.  Part of me would always be at camp when Grace was there.  I'll always remember the day we sat on the hill two summers ago as she told me that she was grateful I was her swimming buddy for Lake time.  I'll always remember when we cried together during closing campfire Summer 2009 because we knew nothing would quite be as special.  I'll always remember when I dropped her (accidently) during our trust exercise one Thursday night.  I'll always remember when her counselors last summer found it difficult to get to know her because she told them that she'd rather be in my cabin.  This girl is special.  She brings a unique sense of self to each person that she reaches out to.  I'll miss her dearly but to know that I've made a deep impact on a child like her makes my summers at Camp worth going back year after year.

This is what she wrote to me today:

abby-
camp t has been one of my favorite places in the world since i went there my first year. but you are the person who kept it one of my favorites. you are my favorite counselor ever because you're more than just a counselor-you're my friend. you take care of me like no one else, and love me for who i am. i will miss you so much thi...s summer, and even though it's my last, i will never forget you and me walking from the OC to the dining hall arm in arm, crying at closing campfire, and cheering each other up throughout our sicknesses and sadness. i love you so much and will write you all the time. hopefully at some point i can come visit, although that will be a hard sell to the parents. but i'll try! love you, grace

I can't wait to see her as a counselor in a few short years :)

Making Time for Silence

I've had a lot of time since graduating college just to think.  Sometimes in my case that can be bad.  My counselor and I talked this week about the upcoming changes in my life and touched on part of my past that we hadn't talked about in awhile.  Coming to terms with loosing a friendship is never easy to say the least.  My counselor made me all too aware that I need to make changes not for others, but for myself otherwise I'll never make it through this depression.  She opened up my eyes to  a term the Native American's use and it's called "making silence".

Out on the Plains where I'll be living there is nothing for miles around.  I need to be comfortable with this idea and learn how to bask in the beauty of such a place.  Going from a town of 30,000 to a tiny town of less than 2,000 leaves  A LOT of open space. I've been reading many books lately about coping with a lifestyle that will be quite different from the one I was raised in.  From what they say, it's all about becoming comfortable with silence.  That's not easy for me.  Silence to me (besides when I'm praying) is often awkward.  So, my counselor suggested that I go on a run to places where I have distinct memories and feel comfortable being silent.  Yesterday I ran to a few of them......past the mailbox where an old boyfriend and I were stopped by the cops,  past the park where I spent most of my time as a kid, past the church that I've grown up in, past my college, and past multiple friends' houses along the way.  I ended my little adventure in the woods where I have the most distinct memories of my childhood.  My sister and I used to play with the neighborhood boys for hours on end out there building forts and playing on the rope swing.  I climbed my favorite tree, took a deep breath, and took it all in.  No. Nothing magical happen but I guess it's one step at a time.

Ding Ding Ding

The other day I was reading this book about a set of movie producers who were trying to make a film with a deeply Christian message.  Basically at the end of the book they run out of money and can't finish in time.  But, some how God provides for them and a donor comes to their rescue. In this scene a producer and his wife are talking about what just happened.

Lisa:  "Only God could have done this."
Chase:  "Exactly.  That's how He likes to do things--at the last minute, so we'll know for sure it wasn't our brilliance or our great plans or our hard work that brought about the miracle.  It's Him."

This really got me thinking.  The last four years of my life has been very planned.  It had to be in a way to get through VU in four years and study abroad.  Bottom line though, I didn't give my life up to Him fully and it showed.  My senior year was all planned out and then BAM--God said that my plan and His plan were different.  It's just like that phrase, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans,".  That's what happened and in a few short months I'll be on my way to an Indian Reservation.  If God hadn't spoken, I would be sitting here in Valpo just waiting to get married.  I would have settled for a life that He didn't want me to lead.   It's hard to trust in God's plan, but knowing that I can live my life according to Him makes all the difference.

It's Funny

It's funny how five months working against depression can disappear in an hour.
It's funny how somethings are still as tender as ever.
It's funny how other things never change.
It's funny how your best friend can turn into a stranger.

But really, none of these things are funny.

"The best way to predict the future is to create it, Enjoy creating yours."

I graduated from college today!  There were over 700 hundred of us in the class of 2011 and we piled in from all sides.  As my Elementary Ed friends and I lined up next to each other under the Bachelor of Science in Education sign, it finally hit me:  I'm officially done with my four years of college.  Thankfully I got to sit next to my best friend April throughout the whole ceremony.  She kept me entertained and kept my mind off the fact that the future was quickly approaching.  Up the ramp, handed the Grand Marshall my name card, my name was announced and I speedily walked to shake the President's hand.  Three seconds later and I was all the way across the stage.  Easy as pie, right?  Just like that I was now a VU alumni, weird.  It's an odd feeling actually. I'm not a fan of this whole "graduation" thing.  But at least I looked good in my cap and gown :)

A cloudy Day

Yesterday I got to babysit a eleven month old.  His name is Parker and he is the son of my youth director.  Let me throw this out there:  babies are GROSS.  They drool all over themselves, can't control their bowel movements, and get boogers all over their faces.  But, they are super entertaining, especially when this baby happened to be almost at the point of walking.  It was fun to pretend that he was my own even if it was only for a little bit :)

Today I went to Chicago with Kelley, Kristin, and Cody.  We took the train in and headed out on our adventure.  Since the last couple of days were very humid, we wore t-shirts and shorts.  Bad bad mistake.  It turned out to be only about 60 degrees so close to the lake and we promptly froze our butts off.  One trip to Walgreens to buy sweatshirts, a two hour stint at the famous Giordano's and a mile walk later, we arrived at Navy Pier.  I was very disappointed to find out that none of the rides were open so we wandered around and made our own fun taking pictures with statues.  I love doing random trips with friends like this.  It makes me feel like I'm almost on my own and one step closer to July 27th.

Parenthood

I will severely miss the hot humid days that Indiana decides to spring upon us.  It went from 90 degrees in the afternoon to a ridiculous outburst of rain followed by hail.  Got to love NW Indiana.

Today I got to spend some time with one of my favorite people in the world, Kelley.  I picked her up from VU and we headed off to the sandy shores of Lake Michigan. It was about ten degrees cooler by the lake because of the wind, but we loaded up with sunscreen and soaked up the rays.  We reminisced about our study abroad days and our crazy travels to Spain.  Kelley happens to love people watching and it quickly turned into a saga about the family near us.  The father figure looked barely older than us and we watched him interact with his four year old.  He cussed, smoked, and didn't even watch as the son made his way into the lake. Kelley was shocked and not amused by the whole exchange.  We ended up talking about the kind of parents that we want to be and how much she wants to be a mom.

Have you ever seen the way that certain young adults interact with kids?  Most of the time you can tell within a couple of minutes if they will be a good parent.  Our conversation opened up a part of me that I haven't been in touch with for a long time.  I know that I want to be a mom one day.  Just like teaching, it's what God put me on this earth to do.  It's hard to see young families at the beach and to know that I'm very far from having that.  In my last post I talked about how I'm not ready to be in a relationship and how I still need to be on my own.  It's difficult some days to deal with that when it comes at the cost of being a mom.  Guess I'll just have to wait for my turn.

Love from the Outside

Yesterday I received a text from one of my best friends.  She happens to be engaged and getting married this summer.  This wonderful friend also happens to have a beautiful eight month old.  Her text calmly explained that she was leaving her fiance and would call me the next day.

Shock doesn't even begin to describe how I felt after reading the message.  This was a woman who has come over many obstacles in life and has had many fights with love.  I thought that she had found a man who was ready to challenge her with a steadfast and powerful version of love that only a bond of parenthood could present to a couple.  Apparently I was wrong.

I was already skeptical of the whole idea of love and marriage after falling hard into a rough spot after my last serious relationship.  But, seeing one of my closest friends go through such a life change in a year makes a difference.  What she did, taking the baby and leaving while she still could takes a whole mountain of courage.  It's time to dry her tears and make her realize how blessed she is to have a beautiful baby boy even though her relationship didn't work out.  I admire her for her endless strength.  The hardest part is that the fiance didn't pursue her like a grown man should.  This little life lesson has drawn me further from wanting to be in a relationship.  I still need to work on becoming the person that God wants me to be and I have a long way to go.

And I'm Reminded

This weekend I was reminded why being in a relationship is hard.  Sometimes two people want different things out of life and they end up getting hurt in the end.  Now I remember why I was so reluctant to open up my heart again....

Tick Tock

4 years of college are over.  Time flew by.  Now that I'm pretty much staring graduation in the face memories keep coming back.  Freshman year pranks with April, sophomore RA antics, junior year traveling around Europe and now senior year.  So, I thought I'd make a list of lessons learned from this year.

1.  Your best friend can disappear in a heartbeat and turn into a complete stranger.
2.  Although friends may come and go its the people that stick by your side in the darkest hour that are there to stay forever.
3.  It takes a lot of courage to admit defeat but at the same time to recognize who you want to be in life.
4.  Depression can happen to anyone, even that person you think who has it all.
5.  Even though one may experience heartbreak that doesn't meant that you should bury your heart.
6.  I was born to be a teacher and to help people that can't help themselves.
7.  It's good to act like a kid every once in awhile even in grown up situations.
8.  Laugh often.  Without laughter life just isn't the same.
9.  Dwelling on the past doesn't not let you experience everything that life has to offer.
10.  When you reach rock bottom don't be afraid to let people pick you back up.
11.  I'm a much stronger person than I ever realized.


All of us seniors can feel the time ticking away before graduation in a few short weeks.  Before I know it, I'll be in my cap and gown walking on stage to get my diploma.  I'm still the same awkward, tall, and curious person as I was four years ago.  My heart has changed drastically though.  I've had many life experiences that I'm very grateful for and still others that I wish could be forgotten. Bottom line, all of them have made me into a stronger person.  It's time to leave the safety of Valpo and venture off on my own.  Now, if I could take all of my second graders with me than this would be a piece of cake :)

Sick of Being an "American"

Turned on the news today to see that the man who caused so much hatred and death ten years ago was finally caught.  Many emotions ran through me.  Relief.  Gratitude.  And then even more emotions....a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.  We, as Americans, too often think that we are God's gift to our planet.  Most people in this country feel that they are entitled to just about anything and everything.  For most of my life, I too was proud to be from the US.  Now, looking at the news and the true glee illustrated in Washington DC after bin Laden's death, my British professor's words come back to me in full force:  "American is a very young country.  In fact, you are all babies compared to what England has gone through.  When you live through a potato famine and countless wars that last more than only your typical ten years, then I'll cry you a river.  You haven't seen anything yet.  It won't be too long until the US is not number one anymore.  Just you wait."

His words rang true for me today.  Honestly, most of the time I am ashamed to be called an American.  While I am very thankful for the middle class life that I lead, I cannot stand the way that people in the US view themselves.  We take so much forgranted: the fact that we have running water, access to food pretty much whenever we want and a roof over our heads.  When I was abroad, I shuddered when people would say that I was American, not only by my accent but by the way I viewed the world.  It is so diluted!

I think that's a lot of the reason why I'm going to work on an Indian Reservation.  America has taken everything that once belonged to the Native Americans.  They where here first and this is how the government repays them?  By putting them in a very ugly cycle with no clear way to get out?  Anyways, before celebrating the death of the man that killed so many, think about the stereotypes that you are fulfilling.

Wishes

This says everything. I miss my 26 kids. A lot.

Tulips, Little Ones, and Sisters

This whole week has been a blur.  I've shut off my phone for most of the week and found out I should do that more often.  It really gives you a chance to take everything in and breathe.  I really cut out most communication to get a taste of what it will be like out on the Rez too. 

Pretty much this whole semester I've been in denial that student teaching has to have an end.  I truly soaked up as much as I could this week from my second graders, taking more time for one on one conversations.  My cooperating teacher and I are getting along so well.  She even called me her adopted daughter.   :)  On to a sadder note, one of my kids is going through a very rough part in her life right now.  I can't give you guys all the details because of confidentiality, but her parents are divorced and the situation just got even worse.  Please pray for my little one, Emma.  She needs all the help she can get right now.  My heart breaks for these eight year olds when they have to go through such tough life situations.

On to Delta related activities.....yesterday started Teeter-Totter a Thon for the Tri Deltas at my university.  This is where we teeter totter for 48 hours straight to raise money for a local family.  We take shifts and teeter whether its rain or shine.  It's one of my favorite sorority philanthropy events and I missed it last year since I was abroad.  Last night I got to teeter with my college best friend, April.  It was seriously pouring down rain and about forty degrees but we got our umbrellas and belted out Justin Bieber lyrics anyway.  That's what I love about my friends.  We could be in the crappiest weather and we have so much fun that we don't even notice.  On Saturday, the senior sisters will go through a ceremony and become alumni members.  I can't believe these three years have passed so quickly in these crazy and dysfunctional family.  I still remember Bid Day, getting my Big Sister, the first initiation, and everything in between.  A lot of people are skeptical of Greek Life and everything that it stands for.  Honestly though, I don't think I would have survived my four years at VU without my amazing and beautiful Delta sisters.  Even though we may fight at times, it is not about that.  It's about an undeniable bond that we will have forever.

Anyways, the tulips are coming up finally! It's my favorite part of the year and always makes me happy.  May means my mom's 59th birthday, Mother's Day, graduating from college, getting my official "teacher" license, and saying goodbye to my best friends.  It also means that I'm one step closer to starting the next chapter of my life.  Let the countdown begin....

17 days until VU graduation
38 days until Camp Tecumseh
93 days until I move to South Dakota

Uggggggggg

This is the LAST week of student teaching. Ever.

I seriously hate that it's the end.

I'm so sad to leave my 26 kids.  While they drive me crazy at times, each of them has a very special place in my heart.  What am I going to do when I don't have Caden to hug me at random moments during the day?  What about Emily who asks me to french braid her hair almost every afternoon?  Who am I going to discuss the latest soccer games with besides Sean?  Who else can create such amazing artwork besides Grace?  Where else can I get tackled by five children just to be given an "end of the day" hug?  Ultimately, how in the world am I going to survive without those 26 beautiful faces every day that make every single part of my life worth it?  I feel like a mother duck without a bunch of goslings to lead around.

They have taught me so much about life and what kind of teacher I plan to be next year.  Even more so, these kids have given me a daily reminder that nothing will ever go as planned in the land of teaching.  They have opened up my heart in ways I never thought possible and I'm so grateful for that.   Now, if I can just get through Friday without crying.... gosh darn those kids :)

No more Peter Pan

AND..............

Apparently in the midst of Doing Nothing..............

God figures out your life plan!

I get to work at my favorite place in the world this summer!

I also was offered a  kindergarten teaching position out on Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota starting next fall!

It's so hard to believe that everything worked out in my life.  Last year about this week I was stuck in Spain because of a train strike in France and a stupid volcanoe over Iceland.  Little did I know that I would be sitting here, a month before college graduation and have a summer job, let alone an actual teaching gig.  My heart is filled to the brim with happiness :)  I'm all grown up.

i pledge to Do Nothing

“Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.” -Winnie the Pooh

     Yesterday was ridiculous.   I had soccer in the horrid rain all day.  The rain turned all six soccer fields into a messy but quite entertaining debacle.  Kids were slipping and sliding all over the place.  Two bloody noses later, we had to call off the rest of the games for the day.  One field was so bad that we couldn't even see any green splotches of grass by noon.  The parents just wanted to get home, but the kids absolutely LOVED the muddy atmosphere.  They didn't care that their shoes would get stuck in the mud or that their faces were completely covered with it.  All they wanted to do was kick the ball around and get as dirty as humanly possible. 

     I feel the need to comment on one of the kids from the 11:30 game.  It was halftime and he stood on the field waiting for his teammates.  As my coworker was about the blow the whistle, this particular child let out a long stream of sound.  Yes, sound.  It wasn't words.  It was seriously like Tarzan swinging through a rain forest.  This "sound" seemed to be like a vocal exercise that a singer would use.  A very inexperienced/horrible singer.  It lasted for about 30 seconds while everyone, including his coach, stared at him.  My coworker and I busted out laughing so hard that we can't breathe.  Then, the little kid says with a sheepish smile, "What?  I'm just really excited to play soccer!!"  Afterwards I talked with his mom about it.  She said that her son makes the most out of each minute no matter what he does, apparently Tarzan sounds included :)

    Graduation looms like a black widow around the corner and it makes me think about the quote at the beginning of this entry.  Time flew by so fast this semester that it left me little time to "Do Nothing" as Pooh puts it.  I read Winne the Pooh for a class last semester and we talked a lot about what that really means in our world today.  As Americans we don't take the time just to sit and enjoy life.  We constantly worry about our future.  We desperately need to take the time to Do Nothing, otherwise, we can't appreciate life to the fullest.  Our souls hurt if we don't.  Oddly enough, as kids you see this more and more.  They are more in tune to the idea of "Doing Nothing" and embrace it.  Kids see what grown ups don't with their pure innocence.  Just like the Tarzan boy, I'm learning to be okay with the idea of pausing my life for a bit and taking a moment here or there to actually breathe.

Don't be afraid to soak up what life has to offer.

Taking in the small things

Reasons why this weekend has been the best ever:

1. Yesterday I got to ref soccer for the 7U division at the parks department for eight straight hours.
2.  This lead to a beautiful sunburn on my face and even lovelier sunburn on my neck from my whistle/stopwatch.
3. Even though I hadn't been a referee there for a year, I ran into some of the most amazing coaches from years past that still remembered me and were happy to have me back :)
4. I ran  into one of my most memorable campers, Maddie, at the fields who ran to hug me in the middle of my game.  That's exactly why I love her!  I had her my first year at Camp T. Her dad, George, was a coach for the parks department that used to give me a hard time and make fun of me while being a referee.  But, he always got us Subway for lunch on Saturdays.  This makes them the best family ever.
5. After I came home from soccer, I took a nap, had dinner, read, then fell asleep for twelve hours.
6.  This was the first time, in my six years at this job that I didn't have a migraine or get sick after working eight hours. :)
7.  I get to go to church today with my best friend and see my church family for the first time since February.
8.  Tonight I get to see all of my wonderful Delta sisters.

This whole weekend has helped me realize just how wonderful life can be.  Yesterday was the happiest day I've had in a long time too.  The parks department lets me have fun with the 1st graders and remember why I keep coming back year after year.  Its a place where all the parents, coaches, and kids are there to have fun.  It's not about who has the higher score.  The kids love getting a chance to run around and I'll bet the parents love having a chance just to sit down for once. I feel like I'm getting back to the old Abby I used to be before last year.  It's a slow process, but I'm starting to understand that I'm okay on my own. Finally :)