Come Back Martin Luther

Today I went to another mass, but at a new place for me.  Honestly, I'm tired of trying to understand being Catholic.  Since I'm working at school that teaches Catholic/Lakota values, alot of our volunteer community is Catholic.  Little did I know how much this would affect me.

I want to worship with other Christians.  Going to mass each week with members of my community let's me do so.  But to me, this isn't my path.  Everything about the Catholic service still seems so foreign to me.  Yes, the Lutheran denomination is the closest to Catholicism that you can get.  Yet my synod, ELCA, is the furthest away from what most Catholics believe.

I miss being able to take communion.  I miss having lots of little kids at church.  I miss our choir.  I miss actually having a youth ministry.  I miss everything about my church at home.  Most of all I miss my church family-the people that I feel comfortable serving the Lord with.  While being out here on the Rez, most Sundays feel as if I'm just "playing church".  My faith has not grown while out here.  I haven't found people to hold me accountable about my faith journey like I do at home and at camp.  Apparently, most Catholics don't like to "free pray" like us camp counselors.  It's all the traditional kind of prayer that makes it hard for me to see God at work.

Even though this struggle continues, my teaching has gotten better and so have many relationships with friends out here.  We all challenge each other with rants about the way our school system works or what really proved to be most important to our school community.  I've grown very close to one of the guy volunteers and care about him alot.  It's a very different type of relationship than I've ever been in and people in our community never saw it coming.  I learn new things about him everyday and appreciate him challenging me to be a better person. We're very different but for some reason we mesh.

 He loves football.  I don't understand it.  I do understand his passion for coaching though and that's all that matters.  He hates lying down in grass.  I love being outdoors.  He's Catholic.  I'm Lutheran.  It's something we're still working on together.  He gives me compliments.  I don't know how to react to them.  This is one time in my life that I'm willing to take this experience slow.  So many of my past relationships went way too fast and have paid the consequences. I've learned so much about my journey with Christ and the person that He wanted me to be this past year.  Maybe just maybe, we've both finally gotten the timing right :)