What Leaving Looks Like

Ran into some old volunteers this weekend and reminisced about last year.  That was good.  We talked a lot about how God works in mysterious ways.  Many had no idea that their life would be completely different this year, me being one of them.

 So, kindergarten graduation was rough.  I lost my voice and could barely emit a squeak at all.  My Assistant Principal gave my speech for me and that proved to be pretty entertaining for everyone.  I will miss these kids so much, even though my life with them this year as emotional and crazy.  Teaching this class was probably the most rewarding thing I've ever done in my life.

This week I have whats called Kindergarten Roundup.  Basically I do some testing with the kids who are trying to get into our kindergarten class for next year.  There are only 20 spots in the class and about 40 kids get tested to get into the spots. It's very intense since this is a private school.  This year though it's strange for me, because I won't have these kids next year.  It is one of the things about being a volunteer that is extremely difficult-this whole leaving process.  I know that I'm leaving but I'm in denial.  I backed up some things in my classroom that I plan on taking with me, but it's all so strange.  I won't be in the same classroom, let alone the same school.  A whole new grade beckons which I am absolutely not prepared for. 

Friday I got in a discussion with a fourth grader about why I'm not coming back next year.

Beau-"Oh yeah, you're getting married.  Guess that's important.  Wait, why can't he move his farm out here?"
Me-  "Well, it doesn't quite work that way..."
Beau- *Getting all excited*, "You can teach the new kindergarten class, he can farm here, and I can move up to fifth grade.  See! It all works and we can all be happy!  I don't want you to be out of our lives Miss Abby, just like my kindergarten teacher and my second grade teacher."

The sad part about this conversation is that he already knows that more volunteer teachers will come in and out of his life.  Even worse is the fact that by the time he's a senior, he will have had at least ten volunteer teachers that leave while he attends to this particular school.  Although being a volunteer is amazingly wonderful, it also has a rough affect on the students.  I'm hoping that after my departure that I'm not "just another volunteer to them".  I've started to say my goodbyes to the first through fourth graders and each one gets harder to deal with.  Last week, my old class (now first graders) and my current class gave me a set of placements that they had each written messages on and laminated.  I absolutely loved this gift because I can actually use it next year!!!  Honestly, I've cried alot the last three weeks.  I don't want to leave this this beautiful place and these inspiring kids.  Everybody keeps telling me that I shouldn't be sad because I have so much to look forward too.  Yes, I get that.  I have a wonderful man that I get to spend the rest of my life with and a new job that will challenge me in multiple ways.  This new life is exciting and I feel so blessed.  At the end of the day though, I feel so glad that I've gotten this experience out in Pine Ridge.  While I may not be ready to move on, I know that their lives will go on and my students will become older, ready to conquer the world.  But, I want to freeze these shots of them in my mind.  They are perfect.