And then my life exploded......

Its been a long time so here are some quick and important updates:

1.  Wednesday I had an interview with the recruiter out at the Red Cloud Indian School in Pine Ridge, South Dakota.  It went amazingly well and took over an hour.  That's a great sign :)  We talked about living on the rez, why I chose the school, the culture shock, salary/stipend/Americorp program, living with seven other housemates and lots of other fun random info. 

2.  During the interview I found out that I am going against two other people for the kindergarten position at the school.  If I don't get an offer for that job they are willing to offer me a job coteaching second grade and being the second in command for the Afterschool care program for grades K-8.  The beauty about the kindergarten position is that I could also coach the soccer team there.  But, I would love to get my feet wet for a year coteaching and use my other talents with the Afterschool care program.  Since this is a volunteer program, the stipend is the same for both positions.  Lucky me :)  Also, my interviewer Luke, is actually in training to become a Jesuit priest (pretty cool, right?) and went to college at St. Joe in southern Indiana.  His freshman year roommate was from Crown Point, just down the road from here.  It's really weird how God puts people in our life and it all connects.

3.  According to Luke I am accepted into the Red Cloud volunteer program pending that my interview with the principal next week goes well.

4.  Last week, I talked to my boss at the Parks Department and lined up a couple jobs for the summer like T-ball umpiring and possibly working the front desk at one of the golf courses in Valpo.

5.  And this is where my life exploded even more.....I received an email from Camp Tecumseh offering me a position again this summer.  My mind was blown.  Last I knew, I wasn't going back because of certain things that happened last year and my boss said that they didn't have any positions available.  Now, they want me to come back. 

6.  I'm at such a crossroads in my life right now.  The South Dakota position starts July 31 and Camp goes from the first week of June until the second week of August.  Even if I worked at Camp, during the interview process in December I had no idea the SD stuff would work out.  Now here come the questions: do I work it out so I can be at camp again for another summer or do I stay here and work for the Parks Department?  Do I apply for public school teaching gigs and go through the interviews while at camp over the summer? 

7.  If my life works out the way I want it to it would go like this:
     May-substitute teach every weekday
     June-camp
     July-camp
     August 2011 to June 2013- Teach out on the Rez in South Dakota

*This "plan" means I have to be at camp on a Saturday and then fly to SD the next day and start my training for the teacher position.  I'm not sure about that whole transition from living at home with parents, to living at camp, and then moving to a whole different state all within such a short amount of time.  I did this kind of thing last summer when I came home from England and then moved to camp not too soon after.  It was wonderful and rough at the same time.

     My parent's edition goes like this though:
     May-substitute
     June through August-work for the Parks Department
     August and for the next ten years-teach in a public school somewhere in either Indiana or Illinois
    

Last week I had no idea what the heck I was going to do with my life besides graduating and hopefully teach somewhere.  Now, everything is all over the place!  The timing doesn't match up and that's what freaks me out the most.  I've never had to think about a summer job and a real, legit, grown up, paying my bills kind of job come fall.  Throw in money for plane tickets, car payments, and loans then you have my life.  It is scary.  I've never had all of these opportunities thrown at me at the same time. 
It's like God got me through all of those rough times last semester and said "Hey, look what you can do!"  His plans for me will always be greater than my own and this just goes to show what giving it over to God really means.

To Everyone Out There

I'm trying to figure out if this blog is worth it....


So, if you still read this please leave some sort of comment letting me know that you're still out there.

Ode to April

Today I met up with my college best friend April at Sanibel, FL with our families.  This little island is very well known for the beaches made of shells.  They are everywhere you look-big and small in their glory.  It gave me a chance to actually talk with April.  Although we are best friends and in the same major, we don't get to see each other that often because of student teaching. 

I don't know if I can truly describe April on paper.  She is the most spunky person I've ever met in my life.  She has such high ambitions but at the same time lives her life day to day while being very highly organized.  She craves adventure whether it's stealing my mattress and hiding it in an elevator or flying to a foreign country with a housemate that she despises.  I love my friend because of all of the hidden qualities that most people don't get to see from her right away. 

While April and I have had our fair share of fights, we are always there for one another.  She wasn't a fan of my last relationship for many reasons and she never hid it.  That's only something a true friend will do.  She fought with me through the muck of the depression last semester and I can honestly say that if she saved my life one night without even knowing it.  The most beautiful part of our friendship is that we may not talk every day or even every week.  Although we may not, I feel as close to her as ever.  I'm proud to call her my friend and to know that she has helped me to become a strong and independent person.  I hope that I've done the same for her.  The last  four years of college wouldn't have been the same without this very special and unique April in my life.  I know right now she may be reading this and hate how sentimental I'm being.  I'm betting that she even teared up.  (She hates getting emotion so this means I'm doing a good job hehe)

I can't wait to see what she accomplishes in life.  She will make an amazing 5th grade teacher and that school will be lucky to have her.  It's hard for me to believe that after graduation our lives will go separate ways.  We will likely be in different states and have different plans.  That won't matter.  We'll always stay in touch somehow.  Deep down, I will always carry around that little ray of April sunshine with me wherever I go.

To Live Would be an Awfully Big Adventure

Florida days are absolutely beautiful.  One cannot find another word to truly do it justice.  Then, you see a Florida sunset.  The sky slowly turns from orange to a purple and all of the worries of the world slip away. It's God's way of saying that everything will be okay and that He has an amazing adventure out there just for you.  That adventure may not be made of perfect days like today with a gentle sunset, but rather a stormy sky filled with lightening may be in the near future.  All in all, we must be soothed by the notion that it is His wonderful plan and adventure that leads us down a the ultimate path.  As Peter Pan says, "To live would be an awfully big adventure,".

Awhile back,  I submitted my application to Red Cloud Indian School out in South Dakota after much praying.  Last week, I heard back from the recruiter who processes the apps before the interview with the principal.  My parents aren't thrilled with the idea of it being a volunteer program since I'll be way in debt after graduation.  I can't remember the last time I was this excited and determined about something though.  Doesn't He want for us to live a life of simplicity and to use what talents He gave us to help one another?  Doesn't God want us to share faith with our neighbors and to make a difference by making the world a better place to live in?  Even though most people don't understand, this is the life I want to lead. I don't want a 25,000 dollar teaching job in my hometown.  Yes, I could make a difference there but that's not where my true calling is at this point.  God is calling me, no, not just calling--rather, He is  pushing me out to the Lakota at Pine Ridge.  Who would I be to deny such a push?  This is the start of a brand new adventure.

Some things just never get easier

Finding out that your ex is in a new relationship is never easy.  Especially when you, yourself are at very vulnerable place in the journey back to your old self.  Its not something that I'd thought I'd want to know.  Its not something I thought would come so soon.

When I found out, I couldn't breathe. It was like the breakup came back six months later just as hurtful and raw as ever.  All those emotions I bottled up came bursting out in huge sobs that shook my whole body.  My Mom wanted to know what was wrong, but I didn't have the energy or courage to tell her.  It's not that I thought the two of us would get back together.  I knew that wouldn't happen.

I just didn't expect this whole situation to still be so raw.  It's like the whole relationship I had with him never happened and that I was finally replaced.  Man, did that hurt to think about.  I've come a long way with counseling and through talking with a few friends that I can trust with my deepest secrets.  But, this left me feeling more exposed that I ever had in my life.  All of those beach trips, apple orchard visits, and everything else that was so special in that relationship flashed through my mind in a matter of minutes.  They were all gone, erased.

The few friends I have approached this subject with thought him dating someone else was for the best.  One said, "To be honest this is probably a good thing.  It sucks now, but this will help you get over him.  Just because he is with someone else doesn't mean you weren't cared for.  I know when my ex started dating someone else she still cared for me. Use this to move on.   Give it some time and prayer.  The pain will go away."  Yes, what they said looks great when I write it down.  But, its so much easier said than done.

Willy Wonka, Sleep, and Mia Hamm

Our second grade field trip to the Albanese Candy Factory can be summed up in three words:  very hyper children.  They were already acting crazy at nine this morning even though the trip wasn't until noon.  Lucky me, right?  I got to sit with one of my secretly favorite kids, Travis, on the bus.  He's the  child with ADHD that can not sit still if his life depended on it.  The last week he has been great though and earning rewards all over the place.  The best part about this has become his journey to 3rd grade.  This student has amazing grades in math but is in Tier 3 for reading. (For you non teachers out there this means that he needs drastic help reading at even a first grade level.)  Although his reading scores have not improved over this past year, he has more than made up for it with his character. He has gone from a child who had trouble making friends and now is one of the class favorites.  At the end of the day, he stays to help me put up the chairs for the kids who forgot.  He never asks for a reward.  He does it just to be helpful and as he says, "make your day as a teacher easier."  It's funny. When I observed my cooperating teacher before I took over, he was the kid that would never give me a hug at the end of the day like all the other kids.  Now, he seems better aware of my emotions than I am.  This seating pair led to  a discussion about bodily functions, what's the worst possible thing to throw up, and how come a catheter doesn't have apple juice coming out of it.  These conversations are priceless and remind me why I love working with kids.

On another note, I finally finished my huge 136 page ten lesson unit and another big paper for my two night classes this semester.  Because of this stupid time commitment I have had a hard time sleeping the last two weeks.  I'm lucky to have gotten maybe four hours of sleep each night.  I felt like a huge weight was off of my shoulders yesterday until a friend reminded me that we still have another 15 page paper to do within the next couple of weeks.  Well, at least I felt better for awhile.

Soccer season starts for the Parks Department in a couple of weeks and it could not come at a better time.  I'm fully committed to working eight hour shifts again and I am so happy about that.  I get to go back to my niche where I feel the best.  It also helps that it's outdoors, lets me use a whistle, and be the person I was at 16 all over again.  This makes my sixth year as a referee for the VPRD.  I almost forgot how much I truly loved refereeing soccer with the 7 and 8 year olds.  I love how uncoordinated they are and hearing them smack talk the other team like it's the World Cup instead of a rec league.   I'm so ready for putting up soccer nets at seven AM, awesome tan lines, not wearing suntan lotion, getting burned, crazy thunderstorms that come out of nowhere, demanding coaches, and finding the next Mia Hamm. 

Bring

it

on

From the outside looking in, you can never understand it; From the inside looking out, you can never explain it.

This past week was difficult and amazing all at the same time.    I saw students bicker, steal from one another, hit others and downright lie to my face.  Some struggle to understand the concept presented to them, especially telling time.  Others have a hard time blending in with kids their age and are often bullied no matter what my cooperating teacher can do.  I saw students have those "light bulb" moments where everything finally clicks.  Another boy started reading Harry Potter this week.  Keep in mind he's only eight.  It's five days like this that make me want to be a teacher for my whole life.

Thursday I got to take a break from the real world and dive back into the world of sorority life.  That night we had a special occasion in Tri Delta where the seniors get to tell their journey through the last four years and to offer advice to the new girls.  I went first.  To express the last two and a half years of my life and what I owe to this sorority ultimately was difficult.  How do you explain to someone how you've developed life long friendships?  Some people don't understand Greek life.  They think that we pay for our friends and that we party til we puke.  That's not what Tri Delta is about.  It's about those nights that turn into mornings where we spend the whole time watching movies, playing pranks one another and soaking up the time we have left in college.  It's about knowing that when you are at rock bottom that you have 40 sisters to turn to. Although we are all different, we know that that doesn't matter.  We, no matter where we end up after graduation, will always be sisters.

Friday we initiated ten new lovely women into our sisterhood.  During the middle of it, reality finally hit.  This was my last time to wear whites and to go through the rituals.  My best friend April and I stood next to each other through the ceremony.  She was her typical goofy self.  Our other friend Holly finally got a Little Sister this semester.  I'm glad that we were next to each other one last time through initiation.  We all started out as friends freshman year and each joined Tri Delta during a different semester.  I love our story.  If anything our friendship is stronger now then ever.  So much of that we owe to the sorority.  I've lived with both Holly and April before.  We've gone through some of the hardest times together:  April's parents' divorce our freshman year, Holly almost leaving our university that same year, my depression this past year and numerous breakups for all of us between the four years.  We still manage to stand strong and united. 

Today I was also lucky enough to reunite with my friends Erin and Kelley.  The three of us have also been through so much together.  We typically have a family dinner each week, but I hadn't seen them in about a month.  Deciding to get off campus, we went to a local diner called Philly B's.  It's the typical hole in the wall hickish place that Valpo is famous for.  The three of us swamped stories about our lives this semester and it was like we saw each other every day.  Erin and I talked about our plans after graduation.  She is moving back home to Michigan and trying to find a marketing job in  a firm somewhere.  I talked about applying for jobs and possibly being a day camp director for the Parks Department this summer.   We'll see how it works out.  Kelley still has another year at school, but she already misses us.  I'm grateful that I have so many sisters to fall back on.  Holly, April, Kelley and Erin will always be in my life.  Heck, April and I will probably be in a nursing home together when we're 80 reminiscing about the good old years :)