Graduation presents (laptop and cell phone)--check
Paperwork for Red Cloud school and Camp T--check
Packed for June 4th--check
I want to be in the place where friendships are formed from mud hikes, devotions, and tornado sirens.
I want to be in my kindergarten classroom so that I can make awesome bullentin boards and welcome my students to an amazing atmosphere.
I want to be in a place that takes me out of my comfort zone and that will help me become a better person.
Now, just waiting for the rest of my life to start. I wish it would get here quickly!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Falling from Grace
The last couple of years I've kept in contact with a few of my favorite campers. One of my fav's, Grace, started out with me two summers ago as an awkward, tall, bushy haired girl and has now turned into a beautiful young woman. This whole time we've kept in contact sending back letters/friendship bracelets. We've been there for each other for the heartaches, battles, and it has turned into a genuine friendship that I never expected. Today I had to break it to her that I have to be out in South Dakota the week that she returns for her last experience with Camp T.
She didn't take it lightly and my heart broke a little as I told her. Miss Grace is like the little sister that I never had. I looked forward to her brightly colored letters at home and her persistent emails over the summer. Part of me would always be at camp when Grace was there. I'll always remember the day we sat on the hill two summers ago as she told me that she was grateful I was her swimming buddy for Lake time. I'll always remember when we cried together during closing campfire Summer 2009 because we knew nothing would quite be as special. I'll always remember when I dropped her (accidently) during our trust exercise one Thursday night. I'll always remember when her counselors last summer found it difficult to get to know her because she told them that she'd rather be in my cabin. This girl is special. She brings a unique sense of self to each person that she reaches out to. I'll miss her dearly but to know that I've made a deep impact on a child like her makes my summers at Camp worth going back year after year.
This is what she wrote to me today:
She didn't take it lightly and my heart broke a little as I told her. Miss Grace is like the little sister that I never had. I looked forward to her brightly colored letters at home and her persistent emails over the summer. Part of me would always be at camp when Grace was there. I'll always remember the day we sat on the hill two summers ago as she told me that she was grateful I was her swimming buddy for Lake time. I'll always remember when we cried together during closing campfire Summer 2009 because we knew nothing would quite be as special. I'll always remember when I dropped her (accidently) during our trust exercise one Thursday night. I'll always remember when her counselors last summer found it difficult to get to know her because she told them that she'd rather be in my cabin. This girl is special. She brings a unique sense of self to each person that she reaches out to. I'll miss her dearly but to know that I've made a deep impact on a child like her makes my summers at Camp worth going back year after year.
This is what she wrote to me today:
abby-
camp t has been one of my favorite places in the world since i went there my first year. but you are the person who kept it one of my favorites. you are my favorite counselor ever because you're more than just a counselor-you're my friend. you take care of me like no one else, and love me for who i am. i will miss you so much thi...s summer, and even though it's my last, i will never forget you and me walking from the OC to the dining hall arm in arm, crying at closing campfire, and cheering each other up throughout our sicknesses and sadness. i love you so much and will write you all the time. hopefully at some point i can come visit, although that will be a hard sell to the parents. but i'll try! love you, grace
camp t has been one of my favorite places in the world since i went there my first year. but you are the person who kept it one of my favorites. you are my favorite counselor ever because you're more than just a counselor-you're my friend. you take care of me like no one else, and love me for who i am. i will miss you so much thi...s summer, and even though it's my last, i will never forget you and me walking from the OC to the dining hall arm in arm, crying at closing campfire, and cheering each other up throughout our sicknesses and sadness. i love you so much and will write you all the time. hopefully at some point i can come visit, although that will be a hard sell to the parents. but i'll try! love you, grace
I can't wait to see her as a counselor in a few short years :)
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Making Time for Silence
I've had a lot of time since graduating college just to think. Sometimes in my case that can be bad. My counselor and I talked this week about the upcoming changes in my life and touched on part of my past that we hadn't talked about in awhile. Coming to terms with loosing a friendship is never easy to say the least. My counselor made me all too aware that I need to make changes not for others, but for myself otherwise I'll never make it through this depression. She opened up my eyes to a term the Native American's use and it's called "making silence".
Out on the Plains where I'll be living there is nothing for miles around. I need to be comfortable with this idea and learn how to bask in the beauty of such a place. Going from a town of 30,000 to a tiny town of less than 2,000 leaves A LOT of open space. I've been reading many books lately about coping with a lifestyle that will be quite different from the one I was raised in. From what they say, it's all about becoming comfortable with silence. That's not easy for me. Silence to me (besides when I'm praying) is often awkward. So, my counselor suggested that I go on a run to places where I have distinct memories and feel comfortable being silent. Yesterday I ran to a few of them......past the mailbox where an old boyfriend and I were stopped by the cops, past the park where I spent most of my time as a kid, past the church that I've grown up in, past my college, and past multiple friends' houses along the way. I ended my little adventure in the woods where I have the most distinct memories of my childhood. My sister and I used to play with the neighborhood boys for hours on end out there building forts and playing on the rope swing. I climbed my favorite tree, took a deep breath, and took it all in. No. Nothing magical happen but I guess it's one step at a time.
Out on the Plains where I'll be living there is nothing for miles around. I need to be comfortable with this idea and learn how to bask in the beauty of such a place. Going from a town of 30,000 to a tiny town of less than 2,000 leaves A LOT of open space. I've been reading many books lately about coping with a lifestyle that will be quite different from the one I was raised in. From what they say, it's all about becoming comfortable with silence. That's not easy for me. Silence to me (besides when I'm praying) is often awkward. So, my counselor suggested that I go on a run to places where I have distinct memories and feel comfortable being silent. Yesterday I ran to a few of them......past the mailbox where an old boyfriend and I were stopped by the cops, past the park where I spent most of my time as a kid, past the church that I've grown up in, past my college, and past multiple friends' houses along the way. I ended my little adventure in the woods where I have the most distinct memories of my childhood. My sister and I used to play with the neighborhood boys for hours on end out there building forts and playing on the rope swing. I climbed my favorite tree, took a deep breath, and took it all in. No. Nothing magical happen but I guess it's one step at a time.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Ding Ding Ding
The other day I was reading this book about a set of movie producers who were trying to make a film with a deeply Christian message. Basically at the end of the book they run out of money and can't finish in time. But, some how God provides for them and a donor comes to their rescue. In this scene a producer and his wife are talking about what just happened.
Lisa: "Only God could have done this."
Chase: "Exactly. That's how He likes to do things--at the last minute, so we'll know for sure it wasn't our brilliance or our great plans or our hard work that brought about the miracle. It's Him."
This really got me thinking. The last four years of my life has been very planned. It had to be in a way to get through VU in four years and study abroad. Bottom line though, I didn't give my life up to Him fully and it showed. My senior year was all planned out and then BAM--God said that my plan and His plan were different. It's just like that phrase, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans,". That's what happened and in a few short months I'll be on my way to an Indian Reservation. If God hadn't spoken, I would be sitting here in Valpo just waiting to get married. I would have settled for a life that He didn't want me to lead. It's hard to trust in God's plan, but knowing that I can live my life according to Him makes all the difference.
Lisa: "Only God could have done this."
Chase: "Exactly. That's how He likes to do things--at the last minute, so we'll know for sure it wasn't our brilliance or our great plans or our hard work that brought about the miracle. It's Him."
This really got me thinking. The last four years of my life has been very planned. It had to be in a way to get through VU in four years and study abroad. Bottom line though, I didn't give my life up to Him fully and it showed. My senior year was all planned out and then BAM--God said that my plan and His plan were different. It's just like that phrase, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans,". That's what happened and in a few short months I'll be on my way to an Indian Reservation. If God hadn't spoken, I would be sitting here in Valpo just waiting to get married. I would have settled for a life that He didn't want me to lead. It's hard to trust in God's plan, but knowing that I can live my life according to Him makes all the difference.
Monday, May 16, 2011
It's Funny
It's funny how five months working against depression can disappear in an hour.
It's funny how somethings are still as tender as ever.
It's funny how other things never change.
It's funny how your best friend can turn into a stranger.
But really, none of these things are funny.
It's funny how somethings are still as tender as ever.
It's funny how other things never change.
It's funny how your best friend can turn into a stranger.
But really, none of these things are funny.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
"The best way to predict the future is to create it, Enjoy creating yours."
I graduated from college today! There were over 700 hundred of us in the class of 2011 and we piled in from all sides. As my Elementary Ed friends and I lined up next to each other under the Bachelor of Science in Education sign, it finally hit me: I'm officially done with my four years of college. Thankfully I got to sit next to my best friend April throughout the whole ceremony. She kept me entertained and kept my mind off the fact that the future was quickly approaching. Up the ramp, handed the Grand Marshall my name card, my name was announced and I speedily walked to shake the President's hand. Three seconds later and I was all the way across the stage. Easy as pie, right? Just like that I was now a VU alumni, weird. It's an odd feeling actually. I'm not a fan of this whole "graduation" thing. But at least I looked good in my cap and gown :)
Friday, May 13, 2011
A cloudy Day
Yesterday I got to babysit a eleven month old. His name is Parker and he is the son of my youth director. Let me throw this out there: babies are GROSS. They drool all over themselves, can't control their bowel movements, and get boogers all over their faces. But, they are super entertaining, especially when this baby happened to be almost at the point of walking. It was fun to pretend that he was my own even if it was only for a little bit :)
Today I went to Chicago with Kelley, Kristin, and Cody. We took the train in and headed out on our adventure. Since the last couple of days were very humid, we wore t-shirts and shorts. Bad bad mistake. It turned out to be only about 60 degrees so close to the lake and we promptly froze our butts off. One trip to Walgreens to buy sweatshirts, a two hour stint at the famous Giordano's and a mile walk later, we arrived at Navy Pier. I was very disappointed to find out that none of the rides were open so we wandered around and made our own fun taking pictures with statues. I love doing random trips with friends like this. It makes me feel like I'm almost on my own and one step closer to July 27th.
Today I went to Chicago with Kelley, Kristin, and Cody. We took the train in and headed out on our adventure. Since the last couple of days were very humid, we wore t-shirts and shorts. Bad bad mistake. It turned out to be only about 60 degrees so close to the lake and we promptly froze our butts off. One trip to Walgreens to buy sweatshirts, a two hour stint at the famous Giordano's and a mile walk later, we arrived at Navy Pier. I was very disappointed to find out that none of the rides were open so we wandered around and made our own fun taking pictures with statues. I love doing random trips with friends like this. It makes me feel like I'm almost on my own and one step closer to July 27th.
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