Things I've Learned the Past Week and Some Things That I Already Knew But Resurfaced:
1. If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all.
2. Sometimes kindergarteners seriously need a nap and then everything will be a ton better.
3. No matter how rough today was, tomorrow is always a new day.
4. Trusting in God's plan may be difficult.
5. Knowing that I need to trust in His plan makes each struggle worth the battle.
6. Six year olds have more germs than eight year olds. Doing "air fives" instead of high fives will save a teacher from numerous colds and sore throats.
7. Having a strong support system here and back home may be the only reason I survive my first year teaching.
Today was ultimately the hardest day I've ever had as a teacher. I can't get into details. I can tell you though that I reached my breaking point. Yes, I'm here to teach. Yes, I know why God put me at this school on this reservation. No, I wasn't prepared for the incident that happened today. Today really made me wonder why God specifically put me in this kindergarten position though. I wasn't ready for kindergarten. It takes a special gift to work with the kids at this age level. My mom has it as does my friend Holly. Alas, I've always known God did not give that gift to me. I came to Red Cloud knowing that, but I wanted to be out here on the Rez badly enough that I just thought of it as a learning experience. My heart yearns for the second graders again.
I want kids in my classroom that can read, tie their shoes, and remember to raise their hand to talk. I want kids that do not have "accidents". That hasn't proven to be a part of God's plan though. He has me with the germiest, youngest, most undisciplined, and squirreliest ones of the entire elementary school. Maybe this just goes to show that God has a deeper understanding of what we need....gosh, He's done it again.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Come Back Martin Luther
Today I went to another mass, but at a new place for me. Honestly, I'm tired of trying to understand being Catholic. Since I'm working at school that teaches Catholic/Lakota values, alot of our volunteer community is Catholic. Little did I know how much this would affect me.
I want to worship with other Christians. Going to mass each week with members of my community let's me do so. But to me, this isn't my path. Everything about the Catholic service still seems so foreign to me. Yes, the Lutheran denomination is the closest to Catholicism that you can get. Yet my synod, ELCA, is the furthest away from what most Catholics believe.
I miss being able to take communion. I miss having lots of little kids at church. I miss our choir. I miss actually having a youth ministry. I miss everything about my church at home. Most of all I miss my church family-the people that I feel comfortable serving the Lord with. While being out here on the Rez, most Sundays feel as if I'm just "playing church". My faith has not grown while out here. I haven't found people to hold me accountable about my faith journey like I do at home and at camp. Apparently, most Catholics don't like to "free pray" like us camp counselors. It's all the traditional kind of prayer that makes it hard for me to see God at work.
Even though this struggle continues, my teaching has gotten better and so have many relationships with friends out here. We all challenge each other with rants about the way our school system works or what really proved to be most important to our school community. I've grown very close to one of the guy volunteers and care about him alot. It's a very different type of relationship than I've ever been in and people in our community never saw it coming. I learn new things about him everyday and appreciate him challenging me to be a better person. We're very different but for some reason we mesh.
He loves football. I don't understand it. I do understand his passion for coaching though and that's all that matters. He hates lying down in grass. I love being outdoors. He's Catholic. I'm Lutheran. It's something we're still working on together. He gives me compliments. I don't know how to react to them. This is one time in my life that I'm willing to take this experience slow. So many of my past relationships went way too fast and have paid the consequences. I've learned so much about my journey with Christ and the person that He wanted me to be this past year. Maybe just maybe, we've both finally gotten the timing right :)
I want to worship with other Christians. Going to mass each week with members of my community let's me do so. But to me, this isn't my path. Everything about the Catholic service still seems so foreign to me. Yes, the Lutheran denomination is the closest to Catholicism that you can get. Yet my synod, ELCA, is the furthest away from what most Catholics believe.
I miss being able to take communion. I miss having lots of little kids at church. I miss our choir. I miss actually having a youth ministry. I miss everything about my church at home. Most of all I miss my church family-the people that I feel comfortable serving the Lord with. While being out here on the Rez, most Sundays feel as if I'm just "playing church". My faith has not grown while out here. I haven't found people to hold me accountable about my faith journey like I do at home and at camp. Apparently, most Catholics don't like to "free pray" like us camp counselors. It's all the traditional kind of prayer that makes it hard for me to see God at work.
Even though this struggle continues, my teaching has gotten better and so have many relationships with friends out here. We all challenge each other with rants about the way our school system works or what really proved to be most important to our school community. I've grown very close to one of the guy volunteers and care about him alot. It's a very different type of relationship than I've ever been in and people in our community never saw it coming. I learn new things about him everyday and appreciate him challenging me to be a better person. We're very different but for some reason we mesh.
He loves football. I don't understand it. I do understand his passion for coaching though and that's all that matters. He hates lying down in grass. I love being outdoors. He's Catholic. I'm Lutheran. It's something we're still working on together. He gives me compliments. I don't know how to react to them. This is one time in my life that I'm willing to take this experience slow. So many of my past relationships went way too fast and have paid the consequences. I've learned so much about my journey with Christ and the person that He wanted me to be this past year. Maybe just maybe, we've both finally gotten the timing right :)
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Meet Squeakers
Yesterday I noticed the worst thing ever....my voice started to get deeper.
In the life of a camp counselor/teacher that can only mean one thing-----utter chaos. My voice went completely out today. Even when I tried to talk normally to my students either a squeak or a whisper came out. They kept asking, "Miss Abby, where did your voice go?" I said if I knew, then I would go get it.
I wrote out these huge plans for my two aides at 6:30 this morning, but decided to stay in the classroom the whole day just in case something went wrong. My aides did really well with the whole group reading instruction and discipline. Thank God for people who are willing to step up. In the morning we had kindergarten through eighth grade mass at the chapel here. My little ones sat between the eighth graders. I hadn't warned them and it showed. A few of the youngest kids were terrified but eventually warmed up to the big kids next to them. It easily made my day. During the afternoon one of my kids took a number 2 in his pants. Apparently, his family had a case of diarrhea throughout the week. My aide, Mikey, had to deal with the bulk of it by helping the kid clean himself off. Got to love the life of a kindergarten teacher.
My voice is still crapped out as of right now. Off to write more lesson plans for my aides tomorrow. The adventures of teaching continue....
In the life of a camp counselor/teacher that can only mean one thing-----utter chaos. My voice went completely out today. Even when I tried to talk normally to my students either a squeak or a whisper came out. They kept asking, "Miss Abby, where did your voice go?" I said if I knew, then I would go get it.
I wrote out these huge plans for my two aides at 6:30 this morning, but decided to stay in the classroom the whole day just in case something went wrong. My aides did really well with the whole group reading instruction and discipline. Thank God for people who are willing to step up. In the morning we had kindergarten through eighth grade mass at the chapel here. My little ones sat between the eighth graders. I hadn't warned them and it showed. A few of the youngest kids were terrified but eventually warmed up to the big kids next to them. It easily made my day. During the afternoon one of my kids took a number 2 in his pants. Apparently, his family had a case of diarrhea throughout the week. My aide, Mikey, had to deal with the bulk of it by helping the kid clean himself off. Got to love the life of a kindergarten teacher.
My voice is still crapped out as of right now. Off to write more lesson plans for my aides tomorrow. The adventures of teaching continue....
Monday, September 5, 2011
Kindergarten-Boogers, Untied Shoes and Being a Mom
It's been way too long since I last posted.
I'm officially a kindergarten teacher.
I'm officially a certified bus driver.
Apparently God finds some humour in these things and the way my life has turned out.
Life on the Rez got really serious the last three weeks. I'm done with two solid weeks of teaching my twenty students. Honestly it feels like I've been "playing school" as my mom's put it. But, now it's time to teach my little ones how to read. Crazy. I always hated relearning phonics in college and now I have to teach it. Not one of my favorite scenarios.
Since I'm teaching in a private school, my kids are all on a 30 day trial. The first week I had to tell one of my students that he couldn't come next week. His behavior was out of control even though his academics were sound. Talk about a rough first Friday of the school year. Although he gave me and the aides a lot of trouble, I couldn't help but like him. I cried when I put him on the bus. The next Monday I had a new student to replace him.
Every day I'm learning about the kind of kindergarten teacher I want to be. These kids have absolutely no manners. They poke, pinch, and give each other rattlesnake burns. They can't tie their shoes. They ask to go to the bathroom every five minutes. I know that I'm not going to teach this grade forever. But, I can't help but love being a mom to them--holding their hand on the way to Religion/Lakota class or to PE, opening their milk for them at lunch, tying their shoes, stuffing their folders, or making sure that they have an extra set of clothes just in case they have an "accident". For some reason right now, I know that God put me in the "magical kingdom" of a classroom. Although I may not be able to see through the intense reading curriculum, I know my kids will come so far by May.
What He has given me in challenges at school, He made up for it in my friends here. They are very supportive and that's all I can ask for. When Claire and I finally make it out of our classrooms, we bake cookies while talking in weird accents. Anna tries to dance on me while we cook. Kevin and I end up wrestling when we get too frustrated with school work. Liz makes up random lies that we can only tell she's lying when she bursts out into contagious laughter. Tim and Maria always have a meal going when I come in at six each day from school. Shannon talks about her days in med school and stories of the ER. Plus there are too many stories to count. Some how we make up a huge family that just seems to work in our volunteer program. These people challenge me to be the real Abby, not the one my college friends knew. Thank God for these people and kids in my life. Every day makes me glad I'm here.
Sometimes I still wonder what teaching in Indiana would have been like. Every time I think that though, I know how grateful I am for this experience. Hopefully I'm being the woman of God that I'm meant to be. Even if it involves little five year olds....
God Works.
I'm officially a kindergarten teacher.
I'm officially a certified bus driver.
Apparently God finds some humour in these things and the way my life has turned out.
Life on the Rez got really serious the last three weeks. I'm done with two solid weeks of teaching my twenty students. Honestly it feels like I've been "playing school" as my mom's put it. But, now it's time to teach my little ones how to read. Crazy. I always hated relearning phonics in college and now I have to teach it. Not one of my favorite scenarios.
Since I'm teaching in a private school, my kids are all on a 30 day trial. The first week I had to tell one of my students that he couldn't come next week. His behavior was out of control even though his academics were sound. Talk about a rough first Friday of the school year. Although he gave me and the aides a lot of trouble, I couldn't help but like him. I cried when I put him on the bus. The next Monday I had a new student to replace him.
Every day I'm learning about the kind of kindergarten teacher I want to be. These kids have absolutely no manners. They poke, pinch, and give each other rattlesnake burns. They can't tie their shoes. They ask to go to the bathroom every five minutes. I know that I'm not going to teach this grade forever. But, I can't help but love being a mom to them--holding their hand on the way to Religion/Lakota class or to PE, opening their milk for them at lunch, tying their shoes, stuffing their folders, or making sure that they have an extra set of clothes just in case they have an "accident". For some reason right now, I know that God put me in the "magical kingdom" of a classroom. Although I may not be able to see through the intense reading curriculum, I know my kids will come so far by May.
What He has given me in challenges at school, He made up for it in my friends here. They are very supportive and that's all I can ask for. When Claire and I finally make it out of our classrooms, we bake cookies while talking in weird accents. Anna tries to dance on me while we cook. Kevin and I end up wrestling when we get too frustrated with school work. Liz makes up random lies that we can only tell she's lying when she bursts out into contagious laughter. Tim and Maria always have a meal going when I come in at six each day from school. Shannon talks about her days in med school and stories of the ER. Plus there are too many stories to count. Some how we make up a huge family that just seems to work in our volunteer program. These people challenge me to be the real Abby, not the one my college friends knew. Thank God for these people and kids in my life. Every day makes me glad I'm here.
Sometimes I still wonder what teaching in Indiana would have been like. Every time I think that though, I know how grateful I am for this experience. Hopefully I'm being the woman of God that I'm meant to be. Even if it involves little five year olds....
God Works.
Monday, August 1, 2011
First Encounter
Our last week was filled with laughter, jokes, a failed CDL bus test (for some) and more volunteer love than I could have ever dreamed. We all mesh so well that I know God has some A-MAZ-ING plans for Red Cloud and Our Lady of Lourdes this school year. I thought you all would love to have a description of my new friends here in SoDak so here we go:
imagine a three girl part harmony going on in the background hehe :)
Claire-3rd grade teacher at RC, from St. Louis but went to school in Kansas, says the most hilarious things you never know what comment will come out of her mouth, isn't afraid to be herself and that's what I love about her the most
Anna- substitute at the high school, is very talented musically and has one of the kindest hearts I know, she also hates soup
Mickey-my kindergarten aide at RC, went to school at Santa Clara and from Northern California, loves soccer and will help coach one of the soccer teams here, does funny voice overs and has a fun personality
Liz-college advisor and alumni relations at the high school, big personality, pretty much grew up on the Rez because her parents met here, has so much to offer to this community and loves to experience everything
Kevin- K through 8 PE/health teacher, was a Jesuit novice for a year and a kindergarten aide for half that time at RC, former camp counselor, very chill personality and has some serious dance skills
Andrew-high school English teacher, born in Omaha Nebraska, loves sports, very fun to banter with back and forth
Those were the few of us newer (minus Liz since this is her second year) newbies in the Red Cloud community. We went with our sister school companions (what we refer to as OLL) out to a pub in Gordon, NE which is about forty five minutes south of here. The volunteers also call it a border town. It was a small town pub that have cowboys at the bar itself. Yes, good old cowboy hat and boot wearin' men. I made the mistake of asking the bartender about his huge Western belt buckle. He went on about it and wouldn't leave our group alone. He then started talking about how crazy it gets in Gordon at the first and fifteen of the month since that's when the Lakota community get their paychecks/food stamps. That's when I knew this would become a part of my life-discussions with arrogant people like him who don't know the Rez culture. Although alcoholism is a huge problem in this area, that doesn't mean people should generalize like that. It's something I'll have to get used to and learn to hold my tongue better.
Tomorrow, a bunch of us get another stab at the CDL (bus driving) written test up in Rapid City. I feel a lot more confident then last time and managed to get some solid sleep too, thank goodness. We'll see how it goes. Prayers would be greatly appreciated :)
imagine a three girl part harmony going on in the background hehe :)
Claire-3rd grade teacher at RC, from St. Louis but went to school in Kansas, says the most hilarious things you never know what comment will come out of her mouth, isn't afraid to be herself and that's what I love about her the most
Anna- substitute at the high school, is very talented musically and has one of the kindest hearts I know, she also hates soup
Mickey-my kindergarten aide at RC, went to school at Santa Clara and from Northern California, loves soccer and will help coach one of the soccer teams here, does funny voice overs and has a fun personality
Liz-college advisor and alumni relations at the high school, big personality, pretty much grew up on the Rez because her parents met here, has so much to offer to this community and loves to experience everything
Kevin- K through 8 PE/health teacher, was a Jesuit novice for a year and a kindergarten aide for half that time at RC, former camp counselor, very chill personality and has some serious dance skills
Andrew-high school English teacher, born in Omaha Nebraska, loves sports, very fun to banter with back and forth
Those were the few of us newer (minus Liz since this is her second year) newbies in the Red Cloud community. We went with our sister school companions (what we refer to as OLL) out to a pub in Gordon, NE which is about forty five minutes south of here. The volunteers also call it a border town. It was a small town pub that have cowboys at the bar itself. Yes, good old cowboy hat and boot wearin' men. I made the mistake of asking the bartender about his huge Western belt buckle. He went on about it and wouldn't leave our group alone. He then started talking about how crazy it gets in Gordon at the first and fifteen of the month since that's when the Lakota community get their paychecks/food stamps. That's when I knew this would become a part of my life-discussions with arrogant people like him who don't know the Rez culture. Although alcoholism is a huge problem in this area, that doesn't mean people should generalize like that. It's something I'll have to get used to and learn to hold my tongue better.
Tomorrow, a bunch of us get another stab at the CDL (bus driving) written test up in Rapid City. I feel a lot more confident then last time and managed to get some solid sleep too, thank goodness. We'll see how it goes. Prayers would be greatly appreciated :)
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
On the Rez at long Last
A couple days ago my parents and I made the seventeen hour voyage to my new home, the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. I met four of the other volunteers (Claire, Liz, Anna, Greg) and settled into my new home. This morning I got to see my classroom. It is flipping HUGE! It's seriously the old gym, has a massive supply closet that's three times as big as my room in Valpo, and has it's own library. Talk about epic! When I went in, I couldn't believe that it's my class. Twenty little Lakota Sioux children will walk in that door in less than a month. I'm a bit overwhelmed at the large supply amount which the old kindergarten teacher left behind. My rents and I managed to move all of the furniture around to make the phonics, math, play, and social science "centers". I couldn't even begin to think about all of the actual decorating until they repaint part of my room anyway.
After dinner, I had to say goodbye to my mom and dad. It was harder for my mom then I expected. I was really proud of her for not crying, but I could tell in the hug that she gave me. We are very close and since I'm the youngest that makes it worse for her in a way. From what they said, both are extremely glad that we drove out together. My mom and dad definitely understand the Rez life a whole lot better. They feel safer leaving me out in this area and know what more to expect.
I absolutely love SoDak so far. The weather changes are intense but so fun to watch. Yesterday it was sunny and then all the sudden golf ball sized hail fell from the heavens. Last year when I went to Nebraska, I had a funny feeling that it was where I belonged. Look at me know, right on the SoDak/NE border. My life has changed so much since last summer. Well, even from the Fall. I'm a better and stronger me then I've ever been. After alot of praying, I've decided to use the counseling services at the school. I don't want to get back into my old habits and in a place like this it could happen all too quickly.
After dinner, I had to say goodbye to my mom and dad. It was harder for my mom then I expected. I was really proud of her for not crying, but I could tell in the hug that she gave me. We are very close and since I'm the youngest that makes it worse for her in a way. From what they said, both are extremely glad that we drove out together. My mom and dad definitely understand the Rez life a whole lot better. They feel safer leaving me out in this area and know what more to expect.
I absolutely love SoDak so far. The weather changes are intense but so fun to watch. Yesterday it was sunny and then all the sudden golf ball sized hail fell from the heavens. Last year when I went to Nebraska, I had a funny feeling that it was where I belonged. Look at me know, right on the SoDak/NE border. My life has changed so much since last summer. Well, even from the Fall. I'm a better and stronger me then I've ever been. After alot of praying, I've decided to use the counseling services at the school. I don't want to get back into my old habits and in a place like this it could happen all too quickly.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
The Trust Bead
My last week at camp was filled with humitity, laughter, triumps, tears, and hugs. Yesterday was the best day at camp I've ever had. Our team won Color Wars. CW is a week long battle between five teams with competition and laughter. Since our team won, Mike Lang (the assistant Lake Village director) asked for one of the counselors from our team to come up and to sign the unifying shield. We elected the Pathfinder cord, Ben, to go up. As Ben starting walking, Mike said that I should come up and sign it. He told the whole village it was my last week and that I would be missed. I was in shock. Never ever have I felt so valued at camp as a counselor. It finally clicked that I did what I came to do this summer: I've made a difference on the kids and the village as a whole. :)
I gave my heart to God this summer. He has taught me so much and proved that He indeed has a sense of humour. My time at Camp Tecumseh isn't over. Somehow I know God will bring me back there next summer in some shape or form. In Summer 2009, I chose to work on trusting God to do His will. My life was turned upside down and although there was pain, He has shown me just how much He will give in return. It's a beautiful thing. God has placed so many new friends in my life. Nothing has ever felt this right. I'm not nervous about moving out to SoDak anymore. I know that I'm on God's path and in Him, I'm enough.
I gave my heart to God this summer. He has taught me so much and proved that He indeed has a sense of humour. My time at Camp Tecumseh isn't over. Somehow I know God will bring me back there next summer in some shape or form. In Summer 2009, I chose to work on trusting God to do His will. My life was turned upside down and although there was pain, He has shown me just how much He will give in return. It's a beautiful thing. God has placed so many new friends in my life. Nothing has ever felt this right. I'm not nervous about moving out to SoDak anymore. I know that I'm on God's path and in Him, I'm enough.
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