When Woman Think it's Dangerous

I don't know how else to say this.  This week has sucked.  I know that I'm trying to be more positive, especially thanks to my counselor but there is no other way to around it.  I feel like my students don't respect me and that they aren't learning anything.  To top it off my cooperating teacher and I aren't getting along.  All of my work from student teaching is piling up faster that I could have ever imagined.  But, at the end of the day, I take a breath and remember that tomorrow is a brand new day.  That is the thought that gets me through each long day.


Okay, enough complaining and onto other thoughts.  On Monday, I had my counseling appointment.  I had already booked myself too thin for that day between student teaching, my counseling session and a sorority commitment right after.  I told my counselor at the beginning of the session that I needed to leave early, but of course that didn't happen.  Whenever I talk to her, time seems to slow down.  This session we talked alot of my past relationships.  That's hard to sum up in just forty five minutes as it is.  We talked about how I treat men.  Honestly, I am the dominant one in most of of my relationships.  It's not something I necessarily mean to do either.  We dived right into the heart of the issue as I explained to her about a story from one of the speakers this past weekend.


In the speakers story she talked about how her husband went into a grocery store as she waited in the car.  As the husband was in the car, the wife managed to get it in her mind that if the husband loved her that he would bring out flowers for her.  By the time the husband came back out, not only did he not have the flowers, but the wife was already worked up to a pissed off mood.  The husband said, "When I went in the store you were in a happy mood, twenty minutes later I come out and you are in a terrible mood.  What happened in those twenty minutes?"  Of course she responds, "Well, I thought if you really loved me then you would bring me flowers..."  The husband looked at her and said, "You can't tell me how to love you.  That's my job.  Not yours."  I love in this story though how well it shows how women think versus men.  In her mind, she had made up this whole theoretical situation and the poor husband had no clue.  Now, let me explain to you how this relates...


This is exactly what I would do in my relationships.  I never really let the guy love me.  I told them how to love me.  Like the speaker and my counselor reminded me, that is NOT my job.  I would often think in my head, "If he really loved me, then he would send me flowers," or "If he really loved me then he would send me letters just like I do to him."  But you know what?  That is not realistic.  As I've been reminded, everyone communicates in different ways.  When I heard that speaker talk this weekend, I sat in my seat in a trance.  I felt like all the other 200 people went away and she was speaking directly to me.  I know that telling a boyfriend how to love me isn't the right thing to do, but yet I did it anyway.  It set that person up for disaster and they didn't even know it.  Its amazing to me what good a long weekend with faith buddies and a forty five minute counseling session can do for the soul.